10 Signs You’re a People Pleaser (and How to Break Free) 💪✨

This week, I want to talk about something many of us experience but rarely admit: people-pleasing. I’ve been there too—putting others first, bending over backwards, all the while feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, and resentful. Sound familiar? 

I still remember sitting in my therapist’s office four years ago and hearing her explain to me the true nature of people pleasing which is, that it’s underpinned in dishonesty. This came as quite the shock to me! I’d been people pleasing under the guise of being a “caring person” when the truth was, this behaviour was being driven by a need for approval.  

Being a people pleaser can seem harmless, but it’s actually a sneaky pattern that can hold us back from living authentically and fully. Confused as to whether or not you might be a people pleaser? I want to share some common signs to help you identify, along with some practical steps to reclaim your worth, confidence, and self-respect.

✨ 10 Signs You’re a People Pleaser ✨

1. You say “yes” when you mean “no.” Whether it’s taking on extra work, attending social events you’d rather skip, or helping someone out, you struggle to turn people down.

2. You avoid conflict at all costs. Keeping the peace feels easier, even if it means biting your tongue or letting go of your own needs.

3. You feel responsible for other people’s emotions. If someone’s unhappy or upset, you immediately feel the need to fix it.

4. You apologise often (sometimes unnecessarily). Saying sorry becomes almost a reflex, even when things aren’t your fault.

5. You prioritise others’ needs over your own. Self-care takes a back seat, and you end up depleted because you’re so focused on helping everyone else.

6. You worry about others’ opinions of you. Pleasing people becomes a way to seek validation, approval, or love. (This was so me!) 

7. You feel guilty for putting yourself first. Doing something just for you feels selfish, and guilt creeps in whenever you focus on your own needs.

8. You rarely speak up for yourself. It’s easier to stay quiet than to ask for what you want or share your true feelings.

9. You feel burnt out and resentful. You’re constantly giving, but deep down, there’s a sense of resentment because you feel overlooked or unappreciated.

10. You struggle to make decisions. Without others’ guidance or opinions, making choices can feel overwhelming or scary.

Does any of this resonate with you? It’s okay to feel a little exposed—awareness is the first step to change. If you’ve ticked off a few (or all) of these signs, know that you’re not alone and, more importantly, that you can start to break free from this pattern.

💪  Breaking the People-Pleasing Patterns 💪

So, how do we begin to shift away from people-pleasing and start living for ourselves? Here are a few steps to get you started:

1. Start with small “no’s.” Practise saying “no” in lower-stakes situations to build up your confidence. It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with time.

2. Set clear boundaries. Boundaries are a form of self-respect. Get clear on what you need and what you’re no longer willing to tolerate.

3. Challenge guilt. Guilt might show up when you start prioritising yourself. Recognise that this is a learned response, and you don’t have to let it control you. Try reminding yourself that taking care of your own needs is essential for your well-being.

4. Identify your values. Take some time to reflect on what truly matters to you. When you know what you stand for, it’s easier to say no to things that don’t align with your values.

5. Practise self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness you show others. People-pleasing often stems from a lack of self-worth, so build yourself up with words of love, encouragement, and respect.

6. Seek internal validation. Instead of seeking others’ approval, practice asking yourself, “What do *I* think? What do *I* need?” 

Truth be told, I was terrified to stop people pleasing because I thought people would start thinking less of me. When the reality has been, I now have much more authentic relationships as a result of speaking my truth, and establishing healthy boundaries. My friends and family know where I stand today, and they respect me all the more for it. 

Remember, this journey doesn’t have to be perfect or rushed. Give yourself the space and grace to move through these steps at your own pace.

Let me know which of these steps resonates with you, or if you’ve already started putting some into practice. Breaking free from people-pleasing is an act of self-love, and I promise you, it’s worth every bit of effort.

xoxo Ash