Episode 15: The Courage to Follow Your Soul's Calling, with Morgan Willoughby
In this latest episode, Ash dives into a deep conversation with energetic healer Morgan Willoughby. They explore the journey of self-discovery, the importance of listening to one's body, and the transformative power of energetic healing and kinesiology. Morgan shares her insights on emotional blocks, the significance of community support, and her personal journey towards healing.
The discussion emphasises the need for self-compassion and the role of coping mechanisms in personal growth. In this conversation, Ash and Morgan explore the themes of contentment, purpose, and the emotional journey of personal growth. Morgan discusses her transition from a secure job to pursuing her soul's mission, the challenges of anxiety, and the importance of self-love. The conversation delves into the complexities of healing your relationship with your body, particularly in the context of endometriosis, and the journey towards motherhood. Throughout, there is an emphasis on the transformative power of embracing one's true self and the significance of community and support.
The episode highlights are:
00:00 Introduction to Energetic Healing
02:55 The Journey of Self-Discovery
06:09 Understanding Kinesiology and Energetic Healing
09:04 Listening to Your Body's Signals
11:46 Navigating Emotional Blocks and Relationships
15:08 The Importance of Community and Support
18:01 Coping Mechanisms and Personal Growth
21:06 Morgan's Personal Journey to Healing
27:39 The Pursuit of Contentment Over Happiness
28:38 Embracing the Call to Purpose
30:06 Navigating Career Transitions
31:30 The Emotional Journey of Change
32:58 Transformative Experiences in Bali
34:52 Managing Anxiety and Stress
37:10 Healing the Relationship with the Body
39:31 Understanding Endometriosis and Emotions
42:19 The Journey of Motherhood and Self-Discovery
46:02 The Power of Self-Love and Acceptance
You can connect with Morgan Willoughby on Instagram here. https://www.instagram.com/by_morgan/
To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website https://www.ashbutterss.com/free-resources
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Transcript
Ash Butterss (00:00.812)
Welcome to the Unedited Woman, where you'll hear candid conversations to improve your everyday life.
Ash Butterss (00:12.494)
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of The Unedited Woman. I am so excited for this episode today. In the studio, I have the incredible Morgan Willoughby. Now, Morgan is an energetic healer and she is so much more than that, but the space that she's working in is something that I have been really drawn to for a while. And so I'm keen to talk about that part of her life.
but I'm also keen to dive into who she is as a woman and what she's here on this earth doing, cause she's quite an incredible woman. We actually met a few months ago now through some mutual connections. And from the moment I met you Morgan, I haven't told you this before. I was just, I just knew, you know, you just have those people and you just know. And then following that initial interaction, we started to piece together that we've got these mutual connections like our beautiful friend, Nikki.
and then Dobbo and I'm sure after this podcast airs, we'll have a lot more people reaching out going, my God, you guys know. Anyway, so without any further delay, I could rattle on about you all day long. I'd love to introduce you onto the show and to kick things off, I want to ask you Morgan, what are you here to do on this earth? Love that. Well, first and foremost, I felt that vibe, hun.
across the round table. was like, I know that that something's gonna happen here. So we matched our freak frequency. Our freak, I love that. So thank you. So excited to be here. my goodness. Let's just start off with a small questions. I know I thought we'd just take it easy on you to start with. So I chose to come here, sign the contract and here I am. So I was thinking about this question on the drive here and
I keep just always coming back to just helping people come home to themselves. Come home to yourself, find your inner light or turn it up, turn it back up to that vibration that you know you've sat in before or one that you actually have never sat in before. Come home to you, your own inner compass and just like trust and know and just feel safe within you, in your own home.
Ash Butterss (02:25.643)
That is so, so beautiful on so many layers. I think this idea of coming home to ourselves is something that I can really relate to as well in my own journey. And it's something I see a lot of my clients journeying as well is that the inner wisdom and the knowledge is in there. That's what I've found, but it's this almost peeling back the layers or peeling back the defenses that we've built up over time as a result of life. And it's just like,
letting yourself really uncover who you are underneath all of that and to have somebody such as yourself guide you through that journey. Wow. Because I truly don't think it's something you can really do on your own. Like you don't know you're lost if you're lost, if that makes sense. When you're in it. Yeah. can be so, you become so comfortable with being uncomfortable. Like again, that was me. I always refer to the...
when I was drinking daily and I'd be hungover and I would just move through life hungover. so my baseline was tired, irritable, headache, eating crappy food. And that's like what normal had become. And it wasn't until I stopped doing all of that and I started to actually feel good, feel what a healthy baseline was. And I was like, my God, I can't believe I existed in that state for years. So yeah, anyway, we've kind of gotten a little bit sidetracked, but let me just
call myself back in for a moment. Energetic Healer, what does that actually mean? thanks, hun. I feel like it's such an accumulation and we just talking before we began, like, how do I identify? And I think that that is just part of my journey. And even in trying to figure out do I call my business something, it's just Morgan Willoughby, energetics, it's a mishmash, a mixmash of...
all the things that I know that have helped me and empowered me and come home to me along the way. And it still gives me that room and wriggle to really blossom and keep continuing to grow. Cause I know, well, once you're on the spiritual journey, there's no getting off. Like you're constantly transforming, evolving and integrating. Don't get me wrong. So it involves kinesiology, emotions metaphysical kinesiology.
Ash Butterss (04:43.613)
What's that for? Because I feel like a lot of people have heard of kinesiology and I'm kind of in this boat myself. I've heard of it. I have a very light understanding being a yoga teacher. A lot of yoga teachers I find move into this space. But for somebody who has never heard of the term before or has maybe heard of it but really doesn't have an understanding, can you help break that down for us? Absolutely. So kinesiology, emotions metaphysical kinesiology is where we use muscle testing.
your arm indicator muscle to find where the stresses are stored in the body, because we store so much stress. And we use muscle testing, it's almost like your body is a lie detector in a way to tap into where in the body that you're storing that. And that could be in your aura, your chakra, a meridian transpersonal chakra, like an element in your body, or even your liver and lung, etc, etc.
And then we go getting curious together around what are the emotional imbalances as well that have tested up. So you come to me and we'll, you might talk about, okay, I'd like to want to get a new job, but there is all these fears coming up and using your muscle. We're actually tapping into what are these stresses and emotional blocks that are holding you back. We're tapping into your subconscious and we are removing these stresses. And it could be that there is a
a fear of safety that you don't deserve enough money, more money or something like that. And you're like, what? Didn't realize that was there. But it's been, I don't know, you picked that up and stored that in that some subconscious backpack along the way. And so what we will do is we tap in, we'll bring that to the surface. And then we clear that using remedies. And those remedies could be anything from affirmations to Reiki to a little bit of a guided meditation.
Even essential oils. So the frequency of so many different things can just help us shift these blocks. love that. So this is essentially it's a process of identifying where you're blocked. Yeah. And then unblocking. Correct. It is honestly subconscious work is I don't even want to say it's a secret superpower. It's a superpower that everyone should get curious about. I've been saying this to a lot of people lately and it's like you have your
Ash Butterss (07:07.627)
naturopath and your doctor, you have your accountant, you have your PT, you should have your energetics. 100%. Yeah. I feel like this was the key to unlocking endless possibility for me. Once I started to enhance my spiritual life and to, like you said, like once you see, you can't unsee and then things just continue to grow and evolve the more you lean into it. I think it's almost like it has allowed me to get out of my own way.
And I'm so much more attuned now to what my body is trying to communicate back to me. Cause for so long I was so busy and I think so many people that are probably listening to this podcast right now can identify with this. We live in such a busy world and whether you are actively participating in it or this is more of an unconscious disassociation, we all seem to be busy and it doesn't matter whether you have kids or it's your full-time job or it's just the insane expectations that you put on yourself.
We're all busy. And I think many people, and I used to be this way as well, wear that busyness like a badge of honor, because in our society to be busy is rewarded and it's celebrated. And yet the busier you are, the less you can actually slow down and listen to the feedback, which has been there all along. It's just that we don't have the capacity to really tune in and hear it. And even just in the last couple of weeks, I've noticed, and was talking to you about this
before we hit record, and we might go deeper into this a little later, is I've been working with this really strong feeling of not feeling safe at the moment. And it's been coming up as stress and it's like manifesting as like the most insane tension through my neck. You're smiling and nodding for those who aren't watching the video right now. Morgan's just like, yep. my God, it's insane. And to the point where I've had
debilitating headaches and I'm not wanting to go to the gym because if I, I feel like I'm going to then create more tension in my muscles, but I know that working out is really, so I'm just like really trying to listen. But then I am one of those people that when I know that the answer is slow down, stop doing, allow your body to heal, whatever it's processing, I find that really hard to do. Tell me what was just going through your head.
Ash Butterss (09:33.229)
I have so many clients come in and they're like, my goodness, I've got, you know, sore shoulders. And we are so easily to go, you store your stress in your shoulders, but we don't actually go, actually store your stress in so many different areas, okay? So the neck, I feel your sister, that's been going on for me as well, because as you said, we've been going through something quite similar. And so the emotions that I've been storing in my neck,
which has then manifested into that disharmony. So the metaphysical reason it is, it's about relationships. It's feeling like in a way trusting relationships. And the pain in my neck, I have been hanging out with a gorgeous osteo. And even though like, I'm like, can you do something with my neck? I know that also I need to see it with these emotions.
of this sisterhood wound that I have been going through and just be with it in so many different forms. And even my own healer is Morgan, you've been going into healer mode on yourself. my goodness. Yes. I'm putting my hand up. I do this to myself all the time. I try to coach myself and it's like, so I won't reach out and seek help for
I'll go weeks and weeks and sometimes months. And then I will reach out to, I've got two mentors. One is more around my recovery and my emotional wellbeing. And the other is a business mentor who you know. And I reached out to this mentor of mine on Monday. And I just, I said to her, I started talking to her and about 30 seconds in, I just burst into tears. And I spoke to her about this overwhelming sense of not feeling safe and.
It's exactly what you said. It's around relationships and trusting, not my intimate relationship. That is beautiful and very secure. It's more, it's women, it's friendships. It's this world and space that I am working in now, which has been really confronting because I was actually chatting to a girlfriend about this the other day. When I had my old podcast and I was just purely talking about sobriety, the other people that were in that space were very supportive.
Ash Butterss (11:46.997)
And it almost felt like we were all in the lifeboat together. And it was like, get in, we're here to save ourselves. And in one sense, that is very true when you're looking at sobriety, if you have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol and you need to get sober, like it is life or death in many cases. And yet now I've stepped into this space of helping women more broadly and I'm feeling a lot of, it's not overt at all, judgment.
but I can feel it. I can really feel it. And sometimes it's not what people say, it's what they don't say. And the lack of support, the lack of acknowledgement. And I'm just, wow, I can see like tears welling up in your eyes right now. Yeah, even my nipples are hard because you're making me tingle and that's just an energetic thing. It's really hitting home and it's like just the body going, yes, yes, yes. It's hard, isn't it? It's...
all the emotions and as my, as I said, I went into like healing mode. It's actually like, if you, I need to cry through it. I need to scream through it if I want to and just fricking get on all fours and dance like do it. Move these emotions. There's no right or wrong way. Just exactly that tune into my body and what does my body actually want to be doing as me as Morgan versus Morgan and a healer. Like I had the best dance with my pussy in the mirror the other day because that's what I.
fucking wanted to do. Yes. I just like tuned in, okay, that's what I wanna do. I was skipping down the footpath and saw some dew on some leaf and I was like, you know what? I'm gonna put that on my third eye. Why? Because that's what I wanted to do. And it's like, that is just tuning in and coming home to me in the moment, being present and going, yeah, I'm so hurt, but like just fall into whatever is my body wanting right now. And I tell you what, that,
Like, I think it hurts so much because I just so want to cheer everyone on. That's exactly how I feel. And there is so much room for us to all grow and expand together and uplift together. And to have so much, I just want to say it just doesn't feel in alignment with me at all. It just is, the word kept coming up was gross. This is gross. It's yuck. Yeah, it doesn't feel good.
Ash Butterss (14:09.833)
It's gross and it's sad because I don't want that person to be in that energy just because I know it's hurting them. They think it's hurting me and to some extent, absolutely, but that energy, I will sit in it and then transmute that into more power and love because energy doesn't leave you, it transmutes. So I'm feeling it, but then I'm like, okay, this is now empowering me.
more and more. And I know that this experience that I'm moving through, still moving through, is going to play a part in me being able to hold space further for other women that come to see me, other women that are too scared to speak up, people pleasing, ignoring, and even like elements of trying not to shame myself because I was in all of this as well, just having compassion for yourself. Letting yourself be human and have the emotion.
you know, it's, it's so funny, isn't it? Cause I do sometimes I think to myself, I shouldn't be affected by this, you know, get over it. And not even that. Like, I think I'm a lot more compassionate with myself these days, but almost like, come on, Ash, be stronger. And then I'm just like, no, no, no, this is really hurting. And it just feels like knock after knock after knock. And so I have just over the last month, I've just felt myself putting those walls up and just going, this isn't safe. And
You know, for those who know me really well, they can tell, but most people wouldn't be able to, especially with social media. You know, and I do try really hard to be honest with where I'm at and what I'm going through. But then there's some days that I just actually, I just don't want to show up. It's, it's just because I feel exposed and right now it doesn't feel safe to do that. I love what you said about just really acknowledging what your body wants in that moment. It's so important to get out of the head and into the
my gosh, again, hard nipples when you say that. it is, it's being in your body, in your heart, versus in your head. When you were in your head, like I had that experience when I got back from Bali recently, I had so much transformation happen, moving house, going full time in my business. It's been a huge year for you. Meeting a bit of a babe, all in the space of, I'm telling you, like a couple of weeks. And a friend,
Ash Butterss (16:35.085)
was so in their head about money and clients and da, da, da, da, da. And I realized it was rubbing off on me and I was like, this isn't, this isn't me. And I was just like, come home to me, come home, get out of this. This is not my thought pattern. Come back to my why, how am I of service? How am I showing up? And then going into that trusting being at home in yourself. And then the rest just flows. Me being in that stressful headspace,
I recognized and I sat in it. Honestly, it can just get away from you at times, but it took me a little bit to come back and I was like, I need to go off socials and I need to just tune out to do some Kundalini yoga and I self-pleasure journal, dance with my pussy as I said, and just be like, okay, I'm home now. What is going on? And being able to tune out the noise around you because social media, other people's opinions,
the tarot deck, everything can just fricking throw you off course when you know that all you need to do is just sit, just sit with you, tune into you. And then honestly, that went from like this resistance and stress and frustration energy to like, okay, I just trust, I mean flow. And then I loved what you said about it almost became empowering. I love that. Like you turn that fuel, all that challenge into a fuel to set the fire to keep going.
because you are helping and serving so many people. You know, it's just that sometimes we don't hear, we don't get to hear that as much as we hear. I think we're naturally just drawn to that negative bias of hearing or even feeling the negative energy. Whereas there's all of this beautiful positive energy out there and all of the women that you are serving and helping. And it's just about focusing in on that. But it's also...
not quick to go, what's the lesson in this? It's like still sitting in it. my gosh, yes. So lately I've been like, so as I've journeyed in this last sort of month, particularly, I've kept saying to people and I've been going to 12 step meetings and sharing honestly about where I'm at and saying, I don't need this to be fixed right now. I actually know that this is part of the human experience and what.
Ash Butterss (18:52.729)
And I'm allowed to feel all of these emotions and process all of these emotions. Cause my, you know, my old strategy was to take something or do something to get out of it quick. And now I'm like, okay, no, no, no, it's all right. And I'm so grateful that I've got a loving partner who can hold space for me in that. He doesn't try and fix me either. You know, he's got a beautiful relationship with his faith and God. And he just says, it's going to pass. It's okay. We're going to be held through this. And so just like you said, you're just allowing yourself not to.
find the lesson or fix it quickly. Move through it at the right time. I suppose though, what do you then think the difference is of somebody who is moving through something versus somebody who's stuck? What's the difference? feel like when clients come to me, I hear people just say, I just feel stuck. I feel stuck. And I feel like that is still an integration. You're in integration mode. You're kind of just taking that moment to just stop.
And that's where you need to listen. Stuck is like, I'm still, for me, what I can see right now, it's like stuck, it's like, I'm still looking externally out, out, out, like left, right. Okay, I'm stuck at the fork in the road. Do I go left? Do I go right? And then let's like clear some of this head space of yours, please. Just bring you back home into your body, clear some of your energies, remove some negative attachments and entity or whatever it is. Just so you just feel a bit more.
and being grounded in your body, then it's like, okay, now you can sit in that place of allow, let's journal through it. Let's just like, no, it's, there's processes, but there's no time attached to how quickly to move through something, but it will enable you to calm down and then see what that one step in front of you is. Don't get caught up on the whole journey. Yeah, yeah, it's so true. It's like, what's right in front of me. And perhaps looking at
And what am I doing with it? Am I just in freeze? And therefore every day is just kind of repeating on itself or am I like you just said, maybe it's just a very light gentle journaling practice. Just sitting with yourself. Two minutes of meditation rather than 10, whatever feels right for you. Yeah. Okay, now I feel like we've.
Ash Butterss (21:06.057)
This is a little bit backwards, but I want to kind of like come back. I just love where this conversation is flowing. Most people in my experience are drawn to spirituality and this kind of healing work because they've journeyed something themselves. Can I ask you what led Morgan to become the incredible woman that you are today in this space doing this kind of work? yeah, the journey, right? It all started, close down your eyes.
I just have always been drawn to some level of spirituality. I have a gorgeous big family and the stories kind of started quite young where my mom and my aunties would share about, your grandmother or great-grandmother, Bula, had these experiences and another auntie of mine can see auras and my entire, I've got a very strong family of women. My mom is one of five girls, she's the middle.
crazy aunt vibes, love it. And just everyone's just speaking so openly about your dreams that they've had at the same time, exactly the same. So it's always been very welcomed. And then I kind of started getting into the old oracles around 16, I think, I don't even know. But even my connection, I went to church, I chose to go to church through youth group and had some profound moments of like hearing things and witnessing things. But
I think it was like getting really into oracles and tarot and then it really, really turned up a notch when I split from a partner of five years. And that was when I was 30 and 35 now. yeah, around that 20, no, around five years ago, I was with someone and was very much cloaked, cloaked to I was, laughed at for anything spiritual, laughed at for the cards and
So when I broke off away from that experience that really taught me a lot, I was like, screw this, I'm just gonna be me. Because I've made myself so small for so long to make other people happy. I want to shine. And so that's where I was like, okay, just frickin do what I really love doing. And that's how it started. I was studying Tarot, I did psychic, a course in psychic abilities. I got myself a coach and mentor. She's actually
Ash Butterss (23:27.898)
She's a psychic, so she coached me for a year and a half and that was when I was selling houses at the time. And that was like hyper anxiety. I was just working hard, playing hard, but on the side trying to come back home to myself and find myself in all of this. And then that empowered me up to...
Yeah, just go on the journey of NLP, timeline, hypnotherapy, meditation, teacher training, and then snowballing. But I was really reflecting journaling is I've been journaling since 1999. yeah. And I've got them all. I've got them all. Wow. That you know, that little journal journaling got me through, you know, a lifetime of
adventures, we will say, but in an environment where my mum was really not in the headspace to be a present mother, she had her own struggles with alcohol, with mental health. And just, yeah, it's just this journaling practice coming home and then just turning up the notch on who I am and what I love doing and following that inner compass, knowing what powered me up.
and what strengthened me to the woman I am today and becoming. And then going, okay, okay, hold on. I think we're onto something here. I wanna share, I wanna be that cheerleader for so many others going through their own transformation. I mean, there's this quote, I keep banging on about it and anyone that's listened to previews episodes recently can be like, here she goes again with the quote, but let me share it with you. A man called Ed Mylett says,
You are most qualified to help the person you used to be. And I just love that because I feel like when we're drawn to this work and helping others, it's because we've gone through our own challenges, our own life's journey, and we've navigated the way through it. think that's the, and that's not to say we're healed. I don't think there's such a thing, know, forever growing, changing, evolving, God willing, but to be able to go, Hey, yeah.
Ash Butterss (25:47.521)
I've been through that and these are the tools and the practices that absolutely transformed and changed my life. Let me share them with you. Like I think there's something so authentic in that as opposed to somebody who's gone and read a book about it, but not actually lived it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what I mean. Like everything I've gone through is enables me to hold space on such a deeper level. And I'm so grateful for every, everything that has popped up along the way. Yeah.
And I was meditating this morning and it comes up a lot, but just the word the universe gave me was cope. Cope. C-O-P-E. And then me, I was like, Ooh, what would that stand for? Like, how did I cope through all the things? Like it used to be, I used to have an eating disorder for about 20 years. 20 years, that's how I cope through what was going on in my life when I was younger. And then it's like,
and the relationship with food. then now it's like, okay, well my relationship with self has definitely bloomed and it's now like meditation is my coping mechanism and talking and just like dancing, as I said, and so many other coping mechanisms versus hurting myself. My coping mechanisms come from a place of love for myself.
And so cope, was like, curiosity, observing, patience, the P word. my goodness. And then I was like, energy. Absolutely. I love this for you. This is so you. So I was just like cope. Yeah. That's beautiful. It's funny, isn't it? Because on its own, it doesn't sound like a super sexy word. In fact, I was chatting to our mutual friend, Dolby about this the other day. My word is contentment. I haven't broken it down. I'll do that.
But like to me, I always find that my end goal these days is not happiness. Cause I think happiness is often generated from external things and it's fleeting. Whereas when I can wake up and have a day where I'm completely content, that to me is like the nectar of life. And yet I'm like, but it's so not a sexy word. I need to work on that. Okay, so I've totally just gone off track again. into it somehow. That's it. Just let myself massage into it a little bit more. So then Morgan, I want to know,
Ash Butterss (28:09.401)
You started on this journey five years ago of really honoring what your soul's mission was. think what it was trying to communicate to you, honoring that, stepping into that. And then this year you went, fuck it, I'm gonna go full time into my own business, which is so brave. How did you, because you had a really secure job. So, I mean, because I feel like there's gonna be people listening here today who really would have related to what you said about
What was it? It was like that, okay, let me reframe it, because I'm not gonna get it word for word, but you were living a very like safe structured life. And, but you had this whisper inside you that there was something more and the spiritual life was calling you. I think so many people would relate to that, but 99.9 % of them go, that's not for this lifetime. You know, I'm gonna go back and do my job because it's safe, it's secure. I'm gonna put a roof over my head.
When did the voice go from being a whisper to a calling? Girl jump. I think there's like, okay, first and foremost, my background was fashion design. And then I went into selling new houses. And then I went into working with motivational speakers. And one of my old coaches said to me, everything that you do is like part of the journey. You're pull on all those elements.
sales really like, don't know, gave me confidence, absolutely. Working with motivational speakers opened my eyes. So even just jumping from sales of houses to motivational speakers, I remember sitting in the car and I spoke to my boss because I was like, I want a leadership role. Like I was just like, I want more knowledge. And I spoke that out aloud and with so much like power in me, that's what I wanted to call in. And I remember
just driving to this display house and I just saw this building getting built. And I was like, I know that I will not be in this company when that is built. And sure enough, a year later, that building was completed and it was a week prior I jumped and I found myself working for this agency with gorgeous, so much knowledge, talking and getting to see so many people share on so many different topics.
Ash Butterss (30:35.745)
And then again, that enabled me to unwind from a high pressure job, but kind of really come home to myself in all of that and get clear and study more. And then again, there came that moment where I was like, okay, okay, my book, my, my bookings are really booking up six weeks in advance. I was like, it's happening. I was like, I just know, I know that I'm going to know when I jump. And then it was all of a sudden that I did some work with.
my own healers around just like that moment getting clear. And I remember waking up one Monday and I just burst into tears. I was like, fuck, it's today. It's happening. It's happening. And it was just the discomfort outweighed. It was just like, I just can't even engage with anyone here. I love this job. It's a great job. Please someone take it. But I'm like, I'm not present. I'm not here. And that is not being in alignment. I was like, it's time.
I love that when you just said that you burst into tears when you had the knowing, I really relate to that. It's the same as when I knew I needed to end my old podcast and it wasn't because I didn't love it and that it didn't bring me joy, but it wasn't in alignment with the mission of what I wanted to do and how I wanted to serve moving forward. And so sometimes tears are an indication that you're onto something. they're not, know, like it's not necessarily a bad sign when you have that overwhelming emotion and you go, sometimes it's just like a release.
and the discomfort. Yeah. And it's, it's just knowing that it's like a breakup. It's like, okay, this is, I've outgrown this. I'm ready for the next chapter and I trust. And it's like, really you've built that trust with yourself to like, okay, I've had enough signs. I've proved myself so many times over how many more? And it was just like, just, okay, do it. Yeah. It's that whole idea of the ego death, right? Hi. Hi. What, what are we up to now? you again.
So fun. Okay. And then, so tell me what's it been like so far. You went straight to Bali, ran a retreat. Yeah. Transformative. It has been, you know, I actually had a lot of anxiety lately and just really sitting in that again. I think it's just processing all the newness, new house, new week. What does my week look like? Yes. Look, I got my KPIs. It's, know,
Ash Butterss (32:58.189)
how many steps a day. But also navigating downtime, it's so easy to get. yeah. It's so easy to like, I'm working till 10 at night. But then I had the day off to integrate and I'm like, okay, great. But I'm not perfect. I don't ever see myself being perfect, but I've really, yeah, it's been a transformative eight weeks. And I'm so grateful that I set myself up to like have my, I'm working with a new coach at the moment.
just the healer and I'm so grateful that I've got those people to hold space for me because I know what my capacity and I'm stretching my capacity and it's just navigating this. And yeah, it's been a beautiful, I'm just gonna keep saying transformative experience. That's what it is. It's growth. The universe is like only ever gonna, you the universe only gives you what they know you can handle. And I'm like, okay, this year. I'm like, okay, I'm ready. I can do this. Yeah, you're gonna look back on this year and be like,
Wow. I was strapped in, buckled up, held on tight. Yeah. Well, I remember I met with one of my healers and she was like, strap in. What does that mean? She just pretty much hung up on me. She said strap in and hung up. And sure enough, I went from like zero to a hundred. I was like at the start of year, was like, yeah, from, I'm not the same person I am from Feb to March, but I'm so not the person I am from March to now. Like, yeah, it's, I'm so grateful.
I'm so grateful and just finding the love and the joy and you know, the skip to the gym, the skipping and just I saw you talking about the skipping. Just still playing. think play just has helped me move through all this transition as well. Yeah, because life can feel so serious and heavy sometimes, right? Yeah, and it's just so in your head, everyone's going, hey, you should do this, you should do this, you should do this. And I'm like, one thing at a time. Yeah, that's so true.
Thank you for talking about anxiety because I think that sometimes when we're the ones on the microphones or we're guiding people, there can be a little bit of pedestaling and I think we do it to our teachers and coaches as well. But it's really important to hear, I think that just because you've done a level of work doesn't mean that you're immune to life's experiences.
Ash Butterss (35:17.695)
and things that can creep up as a result of that, like overwhelmed stress, anxiety. How does it manifest in you and what do you do when you feel that coming on? I think the stress, yeah, definitely this anxiety has been hitting a little bit lately. And I'm all for tapping, tap, tap, tappy, boo, as Adam Sandler would say, just tapping my head, my forehead, and sitting in that breathing. That's really helped me. And then again,
anxiety is the fear of the future, just trying to come back home, ground, be centered and turning back into that trust. There is so much transformation going on around me, but it's just like, I just know I'm exactly where I need to be. And I keep getting signs as well, like so much. what's it called when you, you're like, I've lived this before. was Cath day and night would say day Jivv.
I'm just like, what's going on? Yes, I get that all the time. But the stress definitely. I do love a snack. I do love to comfort eat. And my comfort eating has again, it's, you used to it just the self soothing used to be the, you know, elements of bingeing, binge eating and a bulimia and but my binge would be like a whole book of chocolate. And now it's like, okay, just like a little bit here and there and
I still lean into that. But I might I'm catching myself so much easier and going, Okay, look, that's so fun. Don't shame yourself in these moments. I'm already putting so much pressure on myself. Why shame myself? So I'm like, Okay, I know I need to go out into nature. I do a dance have a shower. But yeah, I just think this this is just, I just this trusting and it was all part of the process. And do you think that
this relationship that you have with yourself and your body has blossomed out of that respect that you now show yourself in just slowing down and tuning in. Like how have you, how have you healed that relationship coming from an eating disorder, but also like, you know, you and I spoken about the journey with your womb. Like I'd love to touch on that. Can you share, what has your experience been with this? Like you have such a deep reverence for your body and the way you talk about it. And I just,
Ash Butterss (37:37.677)
just respect it so much. Can you share a little bit more about that? I think the relationship with my body has been the biggest relationship I've had and having my in this lifetime, if my eyes are willing up right now. Like I remember not even feeling beautiful until I was 28. And then still too scared to like share a photo of myself saying I felt beautiful because of like the judgment that might pop up. Totally. Like I was like what? And then I think
the relationship with my body has been like a couple of years ago now, about three years. I was, was is my language, diagnosed with stage four endometriosis. And there are so many emotions we store in our womb. And that journey is one that I'm still working through with, and I know there's elements I'm not ready to go to. I know I will. And...
the stage four is where it has spread to other organs, so my diaphragm and some other organs. So my doctor was like, you kind of really downplayed this. I'm like, I don't even know like, here, what's pain and tuning really into my body and like, that's, that's a lot. But the relationship with my body, when I told someone at an event once, she's a coach. And I said,
I have endometriosis and that was I'm going through that at that moment. There was a cancer scare as well. And she just looked at me and she went, you're scared to be a mom. And I was like, hold on, wait, I really want to be a mom. And I remember they just really kind of struck a chord with me. was like, that's not true. But there are so many different emotions we store in that womb and what endometriosis can sort of be manifested from in terms of emotions. And when I speak to a client, I list off so many different things.
Okay, so let's go there because I, to be fair, I don't know a lot about it. I haven't experienced it. I've got a couple of girlfriends who I know have had procedures. But if you were to explain it to me in layman's terms, what are some of the emotions that are connected to it? So I'm going to just outline the ones for me. So what's really struck a chord was the mother stuff. So as I mentioned, lots of relationship stuff around mom has been stored there.
Ash Butterss (39:59.713)
Then there's definitely intergenerational. There's definitely past life stuff there too, I know of. But then again, it's just like so much shame I've stored there. But then when I really sat with being a mom, I'm so like, I'm so looking forward to being a mom. I know I sit in mother energy already, and I'm with that almost like something else. But I came back to the body. I'm scared of my body changing. I'm scared of what it's gonna look like.
And not like my body. Cause that's the being my big relationship this whole time. Yeah. And was like, Ooh. And it's almost in a way like you, if you, you know, God willing you fall pregnant and your body changes, you have no control. When people who have lived with eating disorders and I myself went through that at a younger age, it's that control. What can I control? Especially when there's a lot of uncontrolling factors around you and a sense of not feeling safe.
What can I hold on to? And handing that over completely to this process, which is a beautiful process, but also I imagine a really scary one. And even when I froze my eggs, I froze my eggs first time it was an emergency one, because I had a cancer scare and it was like, we might actually have to remove some of your ovary and et cetera. There was so much going on. But the second process I just did in May, everyone's like, you put weight on, you put weight on. I don't want to put weight on. I put like, I think four kilos on, but I did some
kinesiology around it about just feeling sexy, any size I was about feeling calm and about just feeling like really safe in the process, but also like really happy with the results, regardless of the number. So ladies listening, just you want healthy eggs. That's it. the number. I know you can get so caught up in it.
And I tell you what, I rolled into that egg freeze and I was like, I had the hat on, I had the gown on and I was like watching TV and I was like, I feel sexy. I feel so calm and I'm having a great time. They got up on the bed, the surgeons all around me they're like, so what are we here to do today? And I was like, you know, are we going to lunch? And they're all like, what? I'm I'm here to have a great time and just enjoy the process. But I really had to.
Ash Butterss (42:19.295)
sit with myself and do some work around it because there's so many fears that come up around the process. And I work with women that are going to have their second child and they have so many fears and anxieties around what might come up along the way. And that's where we do that work together. And there might be even some subconscious stuff that's like right there that they didn't realize. So. I love that. When you just shared about the energy and the headspace that you were in for that second round, because I imagine that the first round,
there would have been an underpinning of fear. I was, I didn't even know who I was just had a cat like I was like, do I have cancer? Like it was just, I've got so much footage of myself in those moments. I didn't even want to freeze my eggs, but I didn't know what to do. And I live by myself and I was like, I'm so like, can someone just hold me? But it was me that had told me through that. And for anybody, so I froze my eggs in 2022.
because I had separated from my husband and I didn't know what the future held. I'd only just met my now fiance and I didn't know. So I just wanted to have the option. And I went into that process very uneducated. And it was so much more, I don't know if traumatic feels like the appropriate word, but it was huge on so many levels. And I think that the recovery was months.
You know, not so much physically, yes. And the weight gain happened for me as well, but emotionally, spiritually, it was a lot and we don't talk about it. It's like, yeah, have to get your eggs frozen. No, no. I prepped, I prepped. And again, for anyone listening, I worked with my naturopath and got my body into a shape of like, I wasn't drinking, I was eating great foods, I was moving my body and...
like taking special herbs and spices to create healthy eggs. But then also highlight underline, I had an exit process as well. that's what happened. Okay, so I said the intention to like talk about something in the word exit and leave kept coming up. And this is the full loop. So an exit plan post egg freeze, because your hormones gone wild after all your injections. So working again with a naturopath to help balance your your hormones out.
Ash Butterss (44:41.697)
That's something that was really important. And I did, especially with endometriosis and we're prone to it. It is not complimentary at all to your body. What we're putting in our, into our system. But also from an energetics point of view, if you go into Frisbee eggs, I also want you to like, look at these needles that you're about to put in your body or the,
their special herbs and spices and still like send love to it from a frequency point of view. I love you versus like stress and freak out. I use a lot of energetics to like balance the medication to make sure my body wasn't causing a stress in my body. I just like, not everyone has that, you know, really nearly, but just like speak love and affirmations to whatever you're about to put in it that your body will receive it on for the best and highest good and with grace and ease.
And then, you know, go through that process. I would say blessing it. That's so important. So where's your head now then with the motherhood stuff and like, you know, you're 35 and I'm, 36, but closer to 37, let's be honest. And I'm, this is something I'm still journeying myself. Now I'm different to you because I'm still unsure. Whereas I can see that you have that absolute.
yearning in space that you're holding open, but a newish kind of thing happening and like, how do you combat the external pressure to the inner knowing? Well, I just, it's taken a bit, especially when so many people talk about endometriosis and are like, but I had a friend that, you know, still got, I'm like, okay, hold on. Everyone has a friend tuning out, tuning out, coming home to me, coming home to me, get out of the head. It's just a knowing like I know I'm going to be a mom.
like regardless of how, like I know, and I'm gonna make the, like part of my homework with my coach at the moment is to start talking to my future children. So if you see me talking in my car while I'm driving down the highway, that's who I'm having a chat with. But I just like, so I know, but I do also know that there is a lot that I'm storing in my womb and a lot that is to be released. And even when I met, started
Ash Butterss (46:58.743)
working with my coach, she's like, you're not ready yet. I'm like, I know that. I know I'm gonna be ready. I'm preparing myself to be ready. But there's also like, just, when I close my eyes and I think about it, this is like this dark mass in my womb. And it is layers and layers and layers. And I know I'm gonna bring that to the surface and process that at whatever pace and speed, but not shame it for being.
Because sometimes it's like, want to love it for being there and release it. And even in this journey I've been on so far around the womb, going from, we could be here all day, but going from like, okay, endometriosis, rejecting your body, why are you letting me down? To actually going, no, actually you're crying out to be loved. The sign, the symbol that I see sometimes with endometriosis is the womb with barbed wire around it.
And that hurts me right to my womb, right to the, it's like, our wombs are crying out to be loved. And so switching and don't get me wrong, I sat in the victim. I sat in all of the versions and move through, through it as authentically and real and at whatever pace I wanted to. But I got to a point where I'm like, actually I need to love myself. I want to love myself fully in all the shapes and colors, the darknesses, all of myself. And that includes my womb. And
when I switched to loving it more, respecting it more and now like, she's sacred. Recognizing that I'm like, she's just powerful. And I'm leaning into that and there's so much power in our pussies, ladies. This is that again, is another, that's a whole Netflix mini series. But I just, like when I switched to loving my womb,
So much creativity came from it because that's our sacred chakra. The thing of new ideas, birthing of creativity, bit of passion. Honestly, I could probably mark it on the calendar and it lines up exactly how my business is blooming at the same time. So much change came from going home to myself. Let's say, quote unquote, during the work, like coming home to me. If you want to see change, you come home.
Ash Butterss (49:15.915)
You open up those doors that you have inside your home and you have a look. We've locked them away. That's right. Yeah. Shine a light on the darkness. it's so beautiful. You just spoke about self love and that word just really, by the way, like, I feel like I could burst into tears in like the most joyful way at the moment. And there's like, if you guys could be in the room right now, there's like this insane energy.
When you spoke about self-love just then, again, I wanna come back to those that are listening along because I think it's a word that can be thrown around so much. How do we start that journey? How do you come home to yourself? I think it's a path that you navigate, even just, I gave a client some homework yesterday. It tested up, we needed to do some self-esteem work and we did mirror work.
And I said, hey, can you go get a mirror? And because we were online and she got a mirror and she looked at herself. She was like, I can't even look at myself. I was like, hun, we need to learn how to hold space for ourself. And just even looking at yourself in the mirror and speaking a word of like, I've got you, we can do this. I'm present. I love you. Even I love you. The more we do it, it's like a muscle.
the more it will grow and get easier. So if we don't go to the gym and just do one squat and then we go to booty, right? Sadly not. It's practice. It's just giving yourself a hug, honestly, and leaning into it. If you want to play, go fricking play. Just explore. And again, it can even be words. We talk about gratitude and gratitude is a really gorgeous tool to have.
But it's so, I remember even like I've got again more footage of me just realizing, I was like, shoot, all my gratitude is external. Yeah, let's say gratitude for ourself. I am a boss, I am beautiful. Or like even just like, I am calm in this moment. Look, not always, but just like come back and explore you. Yeah, that's such a good point.
Ash Butterss (51:34.519)
There's so much within ourselves. And it's like what we said at the very start of this conversation, that inner wisdom, it never left you. It's just that maybe we haven't slowed down enough to actually hear what's been there all along. And that journey back to self, it's just so, powerful. Ooh, so many feels. God. We are moving towards the end of this conversation.
And I just wanna know, is there anything else that is coming up for you at the moment that you feel called to talk about, to share about, anything in your heart? I just think in this moment we're having and like what I'm tearing up about is just this sisterhood. I think we're both going on this journey of a bit of a sisterhood wound and I just like really wanna like thank you for holding space in this moment and
being you and shining your light and sharing on your podcast everything, you know, just being authentically yourself. And what this past week has really, Fortnite has really shown me is we have so many gorgeous people around us. And yes, we think it, but just share it with that person. If they come into your mind, send them a text. Let them know. Correct. Power them up. it just, please send that love.
Send that love, because you never know. We have no idea at times how much of an impact we are playing on one another. And when the wound is popping up, that really hurts. Really hurts. And yeah, just really... Just wanting to honour you. Yeah. I don't know, we've already hung out such a tiny bit, but... This is like the most we've spoken, but it's been...
If you could feel the energy, if we could read the frequency in the air. It's crazy. I don't think I've ever had an interview with this much electricity. It's like palpable. Yeah. And so, beautiful. Cope. Cope. Curiosity observing, patience and energy. I love that. I love that. You can own that. That is all you. Morgan, from the bottom of my heart.
Ash Butterss (53:53.793)
Thank you so, so much for joining me here today and for sharing your gifts with the world. I'm so excited to not only watch you, but to loudly support you as you continue serving the world and offering your beautiful gifts to everyone. If people want to go and find you, discover you, learn more about you, where can they go?
Good groove going on the old gram. Crushing it on the gram. Very humble. I just, I I love creating content. Yeah. If you want to see what I get up to through energy, but also my day to day life, I very much openly share. by underscore Morgan and then my websites, www.bymorgan.com.au. Easy. That's yeah. Great. Yeah. Fantastic. I'll make sure I pop all of that in the episode show notes.
Just once again, thank you so much. I absolutely adore you and I cannot wait to form a beautiful friendship moving let's cheer, let's groove, let's grow. it. I love it. Bye, hon.
Ash Butterss (55:02.123)
you