Episode 14: How to get lean while healing your relationship with food, with Jessie Golden
In this engaging conversation, Ash Butterss speaks with Jessie Golden about her journey in helping women develop healthier relationships with food and body image. Jessie shares her personal struggles with food, the importance of intuition, and how self-worth is intricately tied to body image. They discuss the significance of building self-trust, creating personal health rules, and the difference between body goals and obsession. The conversation emphasises the importance of movement, mindfulness, and reconnecting with one's body through small, attainable steps.
The episode highlights are:
00:00 Introduction to Jessie Golden and Her Mission
05:55 The Role of Intuition in Food Relationships
12:07 Understanding Self-Worth and Body Image
17:51 Building Self-Trust and Overcoming Desperation
23:57 Creating Personal Rules for Health and Wellness
29:56 Navigating Body Goals vs. Obsession
35:45 The Importance of Movement and Mindfulness
39:07 First Steps to Reconnect with Your Body
You can connect with Jessie Golden on Instagram here. https://www.instagram.com/jessiemgolden/
To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website https://www.ashbutterss.com/free-resources
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Transcript
Ash Butterss (00:01.662)
Hello everyone and welcome back to the unedited woman. I am so excited for this conversation today. Here in the recording room, I have the incredible Jessie Golden. Now I've been following Jessie on social media for quite some time. She has such a powerful message, especially for women and
I really related to it from the minute I started following you, Jessie. just, you spoke to me in such an authentic way that I just knew I wanted to get you onto the podcast so that you could share your message with my audience and allow them to take some of these golden gems, pardon the pun, that you have here. So without further ado, I'd love to introduce you, Jessie. Welcome to the show. Can you start by telling us here a little bit about what you do?
Jessie (00:38.176)
Love us.
Ash Butterss (00:49.619)
And why you do it? What are you here to do on this earth?
Jessie (00:54.11)
I love that, the way you put that. So I started out in my career that I have now. I've had a couple different careers. helping women develop healthier relationships with food, that was something that I struggled with and had overcome. And during the time when I did that, no one was talking about intuitive eating. There wasn't any formal framework to follow. And I actually don't know fully the intuitive eating framework. I know it works for me and my clients. And I studied at the Institute for the Psychology of Eating.
So I had a really strong personal connection to that work because I'd overcome it. And I honestly thought that I was so alone in that struggle until I had overcome it. And then I started to pay attention because I wasn't so caught up in my own head and realized that almost everyone I know struggles with food. So it was something that was extremely prevalent and thought, OK, I think I can help women with this to get on the other side. And that eventually transferred into or evolved, let's say.
Ash Butterss (01:37.043)
Hmm.
Jessie (01:53.238)
I started to help women with more aesthetic related goals. So getting leaner, building muscle. And that was part of my evolution too, because I kind of got caught up in the anti -diet space where it was very strict. You can never want to change your body. And those are, of course, the extreme voices over on that end. But I realized that those weren't my values. And I wanted to learn how someone can actually lose body fat in a way that
Ash Butterss (01:59.343)
Mm.
Jessie (02:21.26)
honors their relationship with food, protects that, and also gives them a really good chance of keeping it off. So I now cover all of it.
Ash Butterss (02:27.062)
Hmm.
That's amazing. I love what you said about the fact that you pretty much don't know anyone who hasn't had some sort of struggle at some point of their life with food. And I think I agree with that wholeheartedly. Every single person I know, particularly females, but I think males as well, to some degree, can have an unhealthy relationship with food at some point in their life. And it might be the extreme where you end up with disordered eating, or it might just be this...
inner critic, this voice in the head that says, no, you can't have that or you shouldn't do this. And it's this constant, I don't know, like barrage, this, this inner dialogue that just sort of never quietens down. I know that I ended up in my early teens in the more extreme end of that, doing a lot of restricting, binging, that kind of stuff. And, and I don't know, I don't know whether it was growing up in the era of, you know, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and Kate Moss and like the super skinny supermodel era.
whether it was the magazines that I was being fed at the time or what it was. I mean, I can't imagine being a teenager now with social media, but I'd love to know your personal story around food and when it started and when you knew something needed to change.
Jessie (03:41.699)
Yeah, so mine started in high school. I was around 16 years old. And I was high school, a lot of emotions in high school. And I didn't have the tools to cope with that. So I was turning to food, looking back. I wasn't aware of this at the time, as most people aren't, especially when you're a teenager. So we put on some weight. And then I received a comment from a family member saying, you need to stop going back for seconds. And that was the first time I realized
A, someone else is paying attention to my food intake. And I didn't know that that was something that anyone else would care about. And secondly, that I hadn't paid attention to my weight either. So that was the first time I became aware of it and that I realized someone else was paying attention to my body too. So it was that kind of blissful period that all young girls have of just existing. That bubble was burst in that moment. And it sent me into a place of wanting to control because
that a natural human tendency when things feel chaotic. So I started with low carb dieting. had a personal trainer that was really uninformed. was my parents personal trainer, not something that I could afford, of course. But he said, don't eat more than 15 grams of carbs in any meal. That was the Atkins era. So I, yes, right? And I was doing.
Ash Butterss (04:50.083)
you
Ash Butterss (04:57.197)
Yes.
Jessie (05:01.542)
three hour volleyball practices and then started getting into doing more circuit training, intense workouts on 15 grams of carbs. mean, just looking back, it's insane. So I lost my period, but I lost weight quickly, got a lot of affirmation for that. And it just became this thing of control because the more I, or I should say the fewer carbs, because that's what I thought it was all about back then, I ate, it actually started to turn into, was gaining weight.
And so that sent me into, my god, I need to grip harder because I must not be doing it well enough. And so people follow these really misinformed diets. And they think they're the problem when, no, the diet is the problem. And this went back and forth throughout college where I gained 20 pounds, lose 20 pounds, yada yada, would be eating a whole pizza after drinking 12 beers at night and then
Ash Butterss (05:27.877)
Mmm.
Jessie (05:55.175)
promise myself that I was going to make up for it during the week, repeat that cycle over and over. And then eventually, as I got to my senior year of college before I graduated, I was like, yeah, can't live a life like this. I have to get this under control. And I didn't know what that looked like, but I just knew that I was so exhausted from that. And I sat and I was like, I don't have anything to show for it. My body hasn't changed. If anything, I've just gained weight. I feel so neurotic and weird about food. I just want to be able to enjoy food.
Ash Butterss (06:17.796)
Hmm.
Jessie (06:25.401)
So if I'm not getting anything out of this, why don't I just try something new? And that's when I decided maybe I should just see what this listening to your body stuff is about. And that's where my journey started.
Ash Butterss (06:37.776)
That's incredible. So what age would you have been then when you started to become more intuitive around food consumption?
Jessie (06:44.616)
So that was a process because it didn't stick in one go. But around 22 is when I started. And again, there was no resources at this time. No one was really talking about this. So I found meditation. And that gave me a lot of awareness of thought patterns and connecting to myself, my body. And then I was able to make really good progress on that when I was living home with my parents after college. I was studying for a really big professional exam. So my environment was a little bit more controlled.
then moved to a bigger city, my first job out of college. There was, again, the partying and the socializing and the stress and the emotions, blah, blah. And then I went not quite to the extreme that I did before, but still it was this like, I feel out of control. I'm trying to grip for control. And then actually stopping drinking in such an intense way really helped me stabilize and come back to myself.
be able to connect to my body, observe myself, all that are really important things if you want to heal your relationship with food.
Ash Butterss (07:49.33)
my goodness, this is such a good point that you make, Jessie. My experience was exactly the same. You know, I would restrict and then I would binge and I would purge and I would do all of this stuff all the while drinking a lot of alcohol. So I drank for years and years and years and I got sober four and a half years ago. And it was when I got sober that I actually finally started to form a relationship with my body because I wasn't putting this substance in that created disconnection.
That was first and foremost. And then I was able to start to read these intuitive cues. Like you talk about intuition and I often share on the podcast and on social media how I used to hear people talk about intuition and trusting your gut. And I used to think that it was almost just like a throwaway line. I didn't think it was actually possible to do it because I was so incapable of doing it because I was just so disconnected and I'd been moving through life.
Jessie (08:17.093)
Mm -hmm.
Ash Butterss (08:41.331)
disconnected for such a long time and then all of a sudden I was like, what are these feelings? What are these messages? What's my body trying to tell me? And that absolutely relates to food as well. Interestingly though, when I did get sober, I found that like sugar became a real obsession for a while because it was almost like wanting to replace one thing with another.
And I'm a lot more aware now around food, but it's actually been the last sort of domino to fall for me in terms of my addictive patterns and behaviors. Have you always been an intuitive person or is like the way that you relate to food now something that you've developed with the help of meditation and other tools over time?
Jessie (09:03.964)
Hmm.
Jessie (09:24.423)
I would not say, I mean, I think we're all born intuitive people, but that was in my younger years, right? And once I really started working on my relationship with food, which is what I always tell women and my clients, it's not about the food, right? It's just a reflection of the way you're relating to yourself, life, your body. So tapping back into that, it's very similar to you, I was completely disconnected. Actually, I would say that I could feel nudges that
I was misaligned with my drinking. I don't know if you felt that way. But there was something where you feel that internal, OK, we're not on the right path here. And so that I felt. But in terms of getting more clarity beyond that, I was not able to tap into that until I started working on the deeper work. So learning to trust myself, sit with my emotions, understand who I was, my values, what I thought was important. Being true to myself, which meant having a lot of uncomp
Ash Butterss (09:56.646)
Mmm, yeah.
Jessie (10:22.07)
comfortable conversations, yada yada, working on my body image. That's when I was able to tap more into my intuition.
Ash Butterss (10:29.537)
And what were the ways that you did that? Was that through therapy? Was that through affirmations? What sort of tools have you applied?
Jessie (10:36.203)
The biggest thing for me was truly meditation. And I would say now that I have more, a more solid understanding of the nervous system, I wasn't aware how important movement was because I was just actively doing it. But movement and meditation, the combination, and I give my clients a lot of liberty in that in terms of what they need, because it's going to change, right? Sometimes me sitting down to meditate is going to be the worst thing. I need to go move the energy out of my body, but
Ash Butterss (10:39.359)
Hmm.
Ash Butterss (10:47.808)
Mm.
Jessie (11:05.985)
Learning to just be mindful of my patterns was huge. And doing introspective work of, OK, I feel pain right now. I feel sadness. Where is this coming from? Sometimes it's just letting it be there. But I had to really ask the hard questions of, particularly with body image, why did I feel like that was the only thing I had to offer? Why was that the most important thing that I had to offer? And therefore, I was willing to treat myself like shit in order to seek other people's approval.
Ash Butterss (11:17.365)
you
Ash Butterss (11:29.148)
Mmm.
Jessie (11:35.114)
So lot of it was doing work on my own self -worth and self -respect as well.
Ash Butterss (11:35.307)
Hmm.
Ash Butterss (11:39.883)
Yeah, I so so relate to that. It's almost like we put this currency behind. It's our self -worth and we the word value that you used. completely relate to that as well. I almost used to think that the thinner I was, the more beautiful I was and therefore I'd be loved by others. And as someone who grew up with a lot of perfectionism and the desire for external validation, that was something that I could
control. Like you said, it was, you know, in a world where you can feel so out of control. That was something that I could take back and hold on to really tightly. But it's really interesting. I wonder, you know, with your experience working with so many women, what is the difference between somebody who, you know, just would like to have their jeans fit a little better, you know, whatever? I'm trying to make this
Jessie (12:16.96)
Mm -hmm.
Ash Butterss (12:35.926)
makes sense in a way that I feel like almost everybody wants to just lose a couple of pounds. Like that seems to be so common. What's the difference between that desire versus somebody who intrinsically ties their self -worth up with their body image? Like how does one discern that? Is it the amount of times you think about food in a day? Is it whether or not you weigh your food? Like how does one know whether or not it's something they need to perhaps look at with a little more introspection, like you said.
Jessie (12:41.888)
Mm
Jessie (13:05.296)
Yeah, no, I think that's a great question. So what I always say for women, because I have my fat loss course, right? And I am very, clear if you're ready for it or not. And one of the barometers I say are the barriers is, what is the energy that you're approaching this goal with? So if you have a lot of desperate energy, you'll be willing to violate yourself in order to get to that goal. Whereas
There's a stark, stark difference. And I can tell, honestly, within one comment of inquiry about the course, where they are, because one person comes at it with, I need results right now. I need to lose 10 pounds. It's the sense of just pure desperation, where someone else says, you know, I'm good with where I am. I'm really enjoying my relationship with food. But I feel like I want to change my body. I'm in no rush to do it. I want to learn how to do it the right way. Completely different energy. So I would say, if anyone's on the fence, is
Are you willing to treat yourself poorly to achieve these goals? And how accepting are you of your current body? Are you able to accept who you are in this moment? Because that's so, so, so vitally important in order to achieve any goals with a sense of self -respect anyway.
Ash Butterss (14:18.531)
And I imagine, and please correct me if I'm wrong, that long -term results are going to hinge on that starting point. So if you're coming from a place of desperation, it's very likely that you may achieve the goal in a short amount of time and then you'll go straight back to the starting point, if not maybe heavier. Whereas if you come at it from more of a measured approach where this is gonna take time and I love my body for what it is and what it does for me in every stage, then perhaps there's...
a higher chance of being able to maintain the weight as you journey through the process.
Jessie (14:53.164)
100%. Yes. And I try to lead with, you want to work on your relationship with food because you want to treat yourself better. But I understand, you know, we're all at different starting points. So if someone needs to hear, hey, if you want a chance of actually maintaining any long -term physique results, you're going to need to work on your relationship with food. That's fine. Because along the way they learn, this is a way better way to live anyway. You know?
whatever happens to my body aside. But if they need to hear that in the beginning just to get them convinced that the relationship with food is where they need to start, I'm willing to do that.
Ash Butterss (15:30.248)
Yeah, now talk to me about self trust. I know this is something that you talk about, this idea that, know, when we come into, I'll talk for myself, my own personal experiences, I feel like as I've gotten older and I've started to live more in alignment with my values, probably as a result of getting sober, I am starting to trust myself more. But for somebody who's maybe not made the changes yet, desperately wants to get to this goal, but is sort of still at the starting point, how do they?
build that self -trust, especially after they've had years of unhealthy habits.
Jessie (16:04.084)
Mm hmm. So the first step is you have to be connected to yourself, right? Otherwise there's nothing to trust. So that is step one is getting to know yourself. And that can feel really uncomfortable if someone's gone through life pretending to be somebody else, pretending to value different things. And so you really have to get uncomfortable with getting to being really patient with yourself because we all do these things for good reasons subconsciously. We it's love, it's safety, it's connection. That's why we pretend to be all these things that we're not.
But you have to start to take those masks off. That's the first step. And then once you're connected to yourself, then you can feel those nudges and say, this feels right to me. For me, it's a true pit in my stomach if something feels out of alignment. And my brain will then go into, no, no, no, this is why it's the right decision. It's the right decision because of XYZ when my body is saying, no, this is actually the wrong decision. And it does take some trial and error. And that's OK for sure.
But what I have my clients do is think back to all of the times where they either didn't trust their gut, their own intuition, and things did not go according to plans. They can look back and say, oopsie, I was right. And then the flip side of when they did trust themselves and things went really well, just so they can start to gain some confidence that they can trust themselves.
Ash Butterss (17:25.456)
Mm, I love that. It's so true. It has to be trial and error. And I think sometimes as well, if maybe your intuition has been a little off in the past because you weren't treating yourself right. Again, I'll talk about my own experience when I was drinking for all those years. You know, I always joke that I had a broken picker. And so I would choose like really unhealthy relationships and I would continue to repeat the same behavior.
Jessie (17:49.472)
Mm -hmm.
Ash Butterss (17:51.711)
because I hadn't had the learnings, I hadn't taken the lessons. And then once I was able to make those foundational changes, then I had more clarity to be able to start making the right decisions. you know, it all starts with intention, doesn't it? Even just by saying, I'm now gonna make this a priority, I'm now gonna make this a focus, you start to align that intention to allow the intuition to guide you down the right path.
Jessie (18:15.786)
Completely, yes. And I would also say, make your goals small enough that you can actually achieve them. I think that's something that is often overlooked. And I used to do right is, I just had a bender of a weekend. And now during the week, I'm to be so insanely rigid and strict. And the more strict you are with food, with your lifestyle, with whatever, you're a human being. The chances of you sticking to that are just so low. And so of course, over time, you feel like, I'm a failure because I can't
stick to chicken breast and broccoli. Well, of course not. I can't do that. Most people are not going to be able to do that. So set just very small, attainable goals that actually align with your values so that you realize, I can depend on myself. I can trust myself to take care of myself.
Ash Butterss (19:03.476)
happens, what advice would you have for somebody who has started the journey is following a plan and then falls off the wagon and just thinks, you know, I hear the classic diet cycle of I'll start on Monday and then you're great for three days and then you have that naughty I'm saying in air quotes, you know, you make the wrong decision or you have an unhealthy choice and then you hit the fuck it button and go, well, I'll start again next week. How do you stop yourself from being in that kind of cycle?
Jessie (19:30.027)
Mm -hmm.
Jessie (19:33.803)
So I like to use if you could never start over ever again, there was no starting over on Monday, how would you eat? How would you learn to eat? Because that completely reframes, I don't get this. I can't swing the pendulum the other way. So that means I can't have the pendulum over here. So you naturally have to learn that, OK, if I can't go back to that coping mechanism, then I have to learn how to stay in the middle. And that just reframes the mindset, because you have to get out of that mindset of,
We're on, and then we're off. So you live in the middle forever. You might move a little bit on this side of the middle and a little bit to this side, but by and large, you're staying in the center. accepting initially can feel a little scary, but then once you sink into it, and I'd be curious if this was your experience, now the idea of going to any extreme is like, absolutely not. Like, you could not pay me to go to either extreme.
Ash Butterss (20:29.236)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think on the back of that, the other thing that just came to mind was the accumulative effect. So when you are consistently eating well, when you are consistently moving your body, when you are consistently meditating, all of these things, you start to feel better and better and better. And so, you know, part of the incentive, I think for myself to not go back to, you know, eating really poorly, living an unhealthy lifestyle,
Jessie (20:41.324)
Mmm.
Ash Butterss (20:59.093)
is that I don't wanna lose how good I feel now because if I go back, I've gotta then start again in terms of building up that accumulative effect to get back to how good I'm feeling now.
Jessie (21:11.359)
Mmm, like an upward spiral versus a downward spiral.
Ash Butterss (21:14.729)
Exactly right. Yeah. So Jessie, something else I've heard you talk about is creating your own rules when it comes to health and wellness. What are some rules that you've created for yourself that might surprise people?
Jessie (21:28.749)
Hmm. I think people get pretty surprised in that I do drink alcohol. Speaking of sobriety, have typically one and a half drinks. That's like my limit. But I do drink alcohol. And I drink diet soda. I drink. I drink. I eat cookies. I have all the things that in any health sphere, people would say is a big no -no. Although.
Ash Butterss (21:36.663)
Yeah.
Jessie (21:56.279)
It's pretty hysterical. You see these health spheres that are demonizing some ingredient that they say is going to kill you when it's absolutely not. But they're drinking tequila and say, it's clean alcohol. It's like, that's actual poison. I don't know how you're justifying that.
Let's just call a spade a spade, right? Like you are drinking a poison, and that is fine. You're an adult. But I really had to come to terms with, I don't want to fit into anybody's box at all. I want complete autonomy and freedom. And that's where a lot of the trust comes from as well, right? It's saying, I am the one who calls all the shots. There's responsibility in that, but that's also where all of your power lies. You can't have one without the other. So that's
Ash Butterss (22:18.157)
Totally.
Ash Butterss (22:26.264)
you
Ash Butterss (22:39.982)
Mmm.
Jessie (22:41.99)
When I say becoming your own boss, it's really learning to turn inward and say, OK, everyone else in the world could be telling me this is not the right way to do this. But if this is the way I want to do it, you should be doing it that way.
Ash Butterss (22:54.801)
Absolutely, it ties back into that intuitive knowing, right? Knowing that you can make the right decision for you if you are aligned with what that is. If you're open, if you're connected to some sort of spirit, whether it's through meditation, prayer, yoga, whatever you do to open yourself up, then you know, goes back to that idea of self trust. And I love that you don't put yourself into a box. think, you know, especially in health and wellness, it can be very,
Jessie (22:58.639)
Mm -hmm.
Ash Butterss (23:24.028)
There can be a lot of pressure to be perceived in a certain way and for you to be able to go, no, no, no, this is what works for me and I'm going to stick with this and be really honest and open. I also think it makes you a lot more relatable for your clients as well because not everyone wants to be sober. Not everybody wants to quit sugar forever. know, like I, I certainly don't. I'm like, need some vice in my life.
Jessie (23:46.201)
Totally. Pleasure is such an important part of my life. It's just it's not worth it to me. And I think there's almost a sense of shame, or even body goals. That's a dirty thing to say. And own it. It's your own damn body. You can do whatever the hell you want with your life, with food, exercise. It's just truly bananas to me that people have so much interest in. I I get it because I used to be obsessed with it. But now, the other side, it's like,
Ash Butterss (23:57.594)
Yeah.
Ash Butterss (24:02.86)
Mmm.
Jessie (24:12.997)
How boring to just be paying attention to what anyone else is doing. I just don't care.
Ash Butterss (24:17.521)
That's so right. Okay, so let's talk about body goals for a minute, because I do think it's an interesting topic. What would be the difference between somebody who's got a body goal and somebody who is being obsessive? Because I think there can be quite a fine line there.
Jessie (24:35.634)
Yeah, so I always just say, is it negatively impacting your quality of life? Is it impeding on important other life values? So is it negatively impacting your relationships? Is it negatively impacting your mental or physical health? Is it impacting your hobbies, your career? Anything that you find important, it should be something that is a very small sliver of the pie, right? And this is where I can tell if someone's ready for fat loss or not, because they'll come to the table saying, these are the things I am not willing to do.
These are the things I am not willing to sacrifice in order to get my goal. And I'm like, OK, that woman is ready. Whereas someone else comes with that desperate puppy dog energy of, I will do anything to lose 20 pounds, she's not ready.
Ash Butterss (25:19.612)
I'm thinking as you talk about this, like an example might be if you were willing to give up going to dinner with your girlfriends once a month because you had this goal, like that might be a little red flag that, you know, if you're, yeah, if willing to sacrifice your social relationships, I guess then it also comes into though, what do you prioritize? Like that's a really important value for me. Maybe it's not for other people, but just being able to, again, go back to those values.
Jessie (25:32.605)
100%.
Jessie (25:47.068)
Yes, and this is where I need to be. I try my best to be very clear that my values are different from another woman. So I can't sit here and ever tell a woman, this is you're taking it too far. Because I know women who've competed in physique shows, and they genuinely love it. It's not coming from this I hate myself energy. It's just something that's a competition for them. Same way I have friends who've been really big CrossFit athletes. And that is so hard on your body. So, so hard on your body.
No one will look at them and say, you must hate yourself because you're going to crossfit. You're putting your body through that. People idolize that. So I think we do have to take a step back and say, am I projecting my own values onto other women? So as long as they're clear on their own values, don't have to be the same as mine and understand that they're not willing to violate themselves in order to achieve the goal, then typically, they're in a good spot.
Ash Butterss (26:40.243)
Yeah, yeah. Now, Jesse, I'm curious. You've been doing this work for a long time now and you've helped so many women over the years. What about your own relationship with your body and food? Does it ever waver? Do you ever have those days where, you know, like the old voice comes back or I mean, tell me about that.
Jessie (27:00.106)
Honestly, not with food, maybe like.
I'm trying to think of when that may have happened. I might have like, I overate by a little, feel uncomfortable. But it's never some like, then I need to undo the damage, and then I need to do this. It's just like, shoot. I wish I didn't overeat those last two bites. And then I move on with my day. Right? But when it comes to my body, I had to do a lot of inner work on that. But I'm so grateful I did before, because I gained 30 pounds in 2019.
Ash Butterss (27:24.068)
Mm.
Jessie (27:35.042)
And I was so proud and honestly kind of shocked at how well I handled that because I just owned it. I sat at 30 pounds heavier. And this is where I learned really the distinction between I didn't love the way that my body looked. And that's OK. I think women feel so much pressure to say, I love every belly roll and I love my cellulite. No. But I fully accepted myself as a human being. I had so much respect for myself. I did not sit there and berate myself and pick myself apart in the mirror.
punished myself with restriction or food or exercising. I just owned it. That energy that I referred to in the beginning of just acceptance for where you are is so important. But do I have days where I'm like, I feel kind of frumpy or I feel bloated? Yes, but I know that that's coming from just my thoughts going for a joy ride, whether it's hormones or something else, because yesterday I was fine. It's not about my body.
It's about all of a sudden my brain just started to have, we feel uncomfortable about something else in life. Let's just think about my body. So I for sure do get moments like that. I'm not immune to that. But I don't let myself spiral.
Ash Butterss (28:40.102)
Mmm.
Ash Butterss (28:47.455)
You just mentioned hormones and it just has reminded me of some so it's so funny isn't it social media. my god. I love it for this reason. I recently came across somebody who was talking about how much her body changes over the course of her cycle. And this is me like I, I my particularly around my stomach. I can go from being quite bloated and my tummy will really stick out.
to going, know, five days later, my tummy's flat. And I, it drives me insane if I'm not in a good spiritual and mental condition, because then I can start to, you know, the negative inner critic comes back really loudly. And until I saw her talking about it online, I thought I was the only one I got, because all we see, right, are these images of relatively perfect bodies. And I was just like, why is, why does this happen? And then I saw it and I was like,
Jessie (29:17.024)
Mm -hmm.
Jessie (29:34.593)
Yeah.
Ash Butterss (29:42.713)
my gosh, like this is actually just a really normal part of being a woman and having a monthly cycle. Is that something that women talk to you about or is it something you've witnessed or is this sort of still relatively not spoken about? Do you think?
Jessie (29:56.039)
No, I think it's super common. But this is good for me to know because I should probably talk about this more to let other women know that it's so normal. Because in my brain, it's like, of course it's normal. But yes, it is. I think we're so uninformed about our cycles as women, which is such a disservice. Our bodies change so much throughout each phase. And some people sit there and say, well, bloating's not normal. And that means something's wrong. I mean, whatever. A lot of women deal with it.
Ash Butterss (30:13.88)
Mmm.
Jessie (30:25.7)
I'm about to start my period any day now. And I for sure am just bloated. My pants are tight, but I sit there and I just, one thing that I find super helpful is just not staring in the mirror. It's like, just makes us feel like all we are as a body. It's like, I'm a person. I can glance at myself in the mirror and then move on with my day, put on the comfy pants, not the tight pants and just move on with life. Right.
Ash Butterss (30:36.568)
Totally.
Ash Butterss (30:49.169)
Hmm. Yeah. my goodness. And bloating as well. I know you just spoke about that and I do, hear some people, particularly naturopaths and whatnot saying bloating is not normal. You need to get it checked out. So of course I went through that whole process earlier this year. I had a colonoscopy. I had a gastroscopy. They went in, they searched it all and guess what? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing there. And I'm just like,
Jessie (31:15.429)
Ash Butterss (31:18.518)
Because I was bloating and I couldn't figure it out and they're like not yet. That's that's just your body
Jessie (31:24.813)
Yeah, mean, gosh, it could be any number of things. That's why all these health things drive me crazy. It's like, just let people be. We're human beings in a very complex world. Unless it's giving you a ton of discomfort and affecting your quality of life, by all means. But if you weren't thinking about it before, and then someone just makes you feel like something's wrong with you, that's no fun.
Ash Butterss (31:46.061)
Exactly, exactly right. And something else that I've journeyed a lot this year is actually just allowing myself to eat all foods. I know you spoke about carbs before and I definitely grew up in the same era where, you know, the Atkins diet and I automatically think to myself, you know, I need to remove carbs if I want to lose weight. And I was working with a trainer who really encouraged me to just eat all food groups and eat all foods and have equal, you know, the right amount of
portions with fat, protein and carb. And getting my head around that, Jessie, was so challenging because I had been conditioned for so many years to think that carbs were bad. But the crazy thing is, is when I followed the right meal plans and was eating the right amounts for my size and the amount of training I was doing, I was still leaning up and toning up.
Jessie (32:38.406)
Mmm. That's when you were eating the carbs you mean.
Ash Butterss (32:40.119)
So it's kind of like, yeah.
Jessie (32:44.392)
And I think that's so good to challenge those rules you have in your head of, is this true? Where did this come from? That's a big part of what I teach women in food freedom evolution is you have to break these down and say, who told me this? Is this remotely valid? So I'm glad that you overcame that, because carbs are magical.
Ash Butterss (32:50.747)
Mmm.
Ash Butterss (32:59.543)
Mmm. Mmm.
Ash Butterss (33:05.486)
Yeah, they really are. They're delicious as well. So you talk about food freedom. What are some of the other golden gems that you have in that program that you think really shift the needle for people with their relationship towards food? What are some things that women just like have these light bulb moments around?
Jessie (33:09.851)
Yes.
Jessie (33:24.765)
You know, the first couple modules of the course tend to be heavier. And it's because we do the deeper work. I'm always about getting to the root. So that's where they experience the biggest transformation. And I think a lot of people assume that food freedom is, let's just talk about hunger and fullness cues and say some affirmations in the mirror. But it's really getting to the core of, why do I believe that I don't deserve to treat myself well? Who told me that I can't trust myself?
What beliefs do I have about my body that are completely false? Why do I think that I'm just here to be at the service of other people? It's those bigger questions. And my favorite that tends to be a of a favorite for a lot of my students as well is we wrap up with fulfillment in life and how that is being reflected through your relationship with food. So I have them connect to who they were when they were a young girl, that more authentic part of them, where they may have lost that.
Ash Butterss (34:17.564)
you
Jessie (34:21.672)
throughout life. And it can be pretty emotional for some women because they realize how far away they've gotten from who they really are just listening to society. But we bring in more of they start to incorporate that with hobbies, maybe shifting up their relationship, whatever that looks like for them. And how can they bring more joy and pleasure into their life so that they're not reaching for that via food?
Ash Butterss (34:43.817)
Hmm. And what about meditation? Do you teach meditation in this program? Is that something that becomes quite important for people in this journey?
Jessie (34:50.206)
Hmm.
Jessie (34:53.482)
So it used to be something that I had all of them do. But again, since I've learned more about the nervous system, that's something that is a tool for them to leverage. And it's really helpful for the vast majority of them. But I give them other nervous system tools. I just had a really incredible expert within the course to guide them. Because the nervous system is something that I don't think we should be messing with unless we're highly qualified to do so. So I wanted to bring an expert in.
Ash Butterss (35:20.626)
Mmm. Mmm.
Jessie (35:22.112)
to give them the guidance and the tools to understand. Sometimes you need to move your body, not just sit in stillness, because that will cause a perception of more danger to your nervous system if you're forcing it into stillness. So that's just an example. But the benefit of meditation, as I'm sure you know, is that mindfulness, that ability to sit with what is, which is vitally important.
Ash Butterss (35:32.722)
Mm -hmm.
Ash Butterss (35:45.832)
Yeah, my goodness. always say meditation, I think, has probably been the biggest game changer in my journey to date. I went and became a yoga teacher in sobriety and meditation has formed a big part of that. And my meditation practice, I really notice whether or not I'm running well. If I'm spiritually, emotionally and mentally fit is generally related to how committed I am to my meditation practice. I like full disclosure, I dip in and out of it.
Sometimes I have so much resistance towards my, like I didn't do it this morning and I knew I could have, but I was like, I'm gonna lie in bed for another 15 minutes. Like I just, you know, like we don't do this perfectly, but I think just knowing that you can come back to these tools. What about you? Do you have a morning routine or like a practice that you have that sets you up for the day or are you a little more fluid with it?
Jessie (36:26.41)
Totally.
Jessie (36:37.773)
I'm a little more fluid, but I would say if there's any practice, mine would be the same. That has been helpful for me. It has been meditation. It completely changed my life when I was 22 and I discovered it for the first time. Just understanding that my thoughts are not me was completely mind blowing at that age and provided me with so much peace. So that was incredible. in terms of I've moved away a lot from a lot of rigid structure and not.
Ash Butterss (36:45.004)
Mmm.
Ash Butterss (36:54.559)
Mm
Jessie (37:06.048)
by any means, the structure always rigid. But for me, I would use it kind of as more militant. And now I prefer to tune in with what I need that day. But movement is a non -negotiable.
Ash Butterss (37:17.345)
Yeah, my goodness. I woke up, was it yesterday? Yeah, it was yesterday. And so it was Monday morning and I actually just felt really flat. I think it might've been, cause it was the last day of holidays for me and we were flying back home yesterday. And I was, you know, just had that energy around me. And again, the internal dialogue went, it's your last day of holidays. So you could reward yourself with an extra 45 minutes of sleep before you have to get up and go.
And then the second thought quickly came in and I thought, you know, you're gonna feel better if you move your body. And so I got myself out of bed, I got into my active wear and I just went and walked along the Swan River in Perth for 45 minutes. The sun was coming up. It was just, it was beautiful. And the shift in my mindset, I walked back into my hotel room, a different human being. Like I think my fiance would have been very grateful that I did that. Cause you know, I was in such a funk when I first woke up.
Jessie (38:00.16)
Jessie (38:13.623)
it's the power of it. just seeing sunrises, I don't know if it's the same for you, but I'm like, my god. I am so glad to be human today. This is so magical. It just completely changes my mindset.
Ash Butterss (38:19.543)
Hmm.
Ash Butterss (38:26.837)
It's so true that morning sunlight. I know there's, there's a lot of physiological benefits, but even just knowing that you're up in the morning as the sun is coming up, there's something that feels really good for the soul in doing that.
Jessie (38:38.958)
completely.
Ash Butterss (38:40.363)
So Jessie, I've got one last question that I would love to ask you before we wrap up here today. And it's for those women who are listening along today, feeling really disconnected to their bodies. You we've spoken a lot about intuition and trusting yourself and self -worth. For somebody who's just not there yet, but wants to be able to start this journey, what do you think is the first step in being able to come back to yourself?
Jessie (39:07.064)
think the first step is just a willingness to understand that you're going to have to get uncomfortable. I think that's one of the biggest things that stops women is this fear that is not true, but just, my gosh, I'm going to be overwhelmed by sensation if I start tapping into my body. know, like emotions, it sounds like this big scary thing. And if you've had any serious kind of trauma, then of course work with a professional on that. But if you haven't, then.
I promise it's not as scary as your brain makes it out to be. So I would start with some kind of movement out in nature without technology. I like to call them raw dog walks, where you're just raw dogging it. No distractions. You go out there and you just are forced to be with yourself while also getting the benefits of nature if you have access to it and moving your body. That alone can be really scary.
Ash Butterss (39:47.727)
Yeah.
Yup.
Jessie (40:01.872)
for lot of women who are used to constantly having inputs. So start with baby steps and just start to pay attention to what comes up for you.
Ash Butterss (40:10.521)
I love that. I love that. A beautiful, tangible piece of advice to end on here today. Jesse, thank you so, so much for taking the time to join us here on The Unedited Woman. If people want to track you down, follow you, reach out, where can they go?
Jessie (40:25.646)
You can find me, my website is jessiegolden .com, J -E -S -S -I -E, and my Instagram is where I'm most active, so that would be jessiem, as in Mary, golden. And that's where you can find all of the good stuff.
Ash Butterss (40:37.189)
Amazing.
Excellent. I'll pop those bits of info in the episode show notes. Guys, definitely check Jessie out on Instagram. She is an absolute gem. And again, I can't thank you enough for your time today. Thank you so much, Jessie.
Jessie (40:52.452)
Thank you for having me. I loved it.
Ash Butterss (40:54.529)
Of course! I'll see you soon!