Why Is It So Hard to Put Yourself First?

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you do, it never feels like enough? You give your energy to your work, your family, your friends, and somehow, by the end of the day, there’s nothing left for yourself. And yet, the idea of prioritising your own needs might feel... wrong. Almost selfish.

If this resonates, you’re not alone. Many of us have been taught, directly or indirectly, that our worth is tied to how much we can give, achieve, and accomplish. The busier we are, the more validated we feel. But what happens when we’re constantly pouring from an empty cup? Burnout. Exhaustion. A growing sense of disconnection from ourselves.

So why is it so hard to put ourselves first, and how can we start breaking this cycle? Let’s explore.

The Conditioning That Keeps Us Stuck

From a young age, many of us are conditioned to prioritise others over ourselves. Whether it’s cultural expectations, family dynamics, or societal messaging, we often internalise the belief that being busy equals being worthy. We’re praised for being hard workers, team players, and selfless caregivers. Over time, this creates a pattern: we’re always doing for others and rarely pausing to ask what we need.

And when we do try to prioritise ourselves? Resistance shows up.

• I don’t have the time.

• I can’t afford it.

• I feel guilty.

Sound familiar? These excuses often mask a deeper fear of stepping out of the cycle of busyness and distraction. It feels safer to keep giving, even at our own expense, than to face the discomfort of change.

But here’s the truth: self-care isn’t indulgent or selfish. It’s a necessity. Taking care of yourself isn’t about ignoring others; it’s about ensuring you’re in the best possible place to show up for them, and for yourself, with love, energy, and presence.

The Ripple Effects of Self-Care

When you prioritise yourself, the benefits extend far beyond your personal well-being. Studies have shown:

• Self-care boosts happiness and life satisfaction. Research highlights that those who engage in regular self-care practices, like mindfulness or exercise, report greater levels of overall well-being.

• It improves productivity. Taking time to recharge helps you return to your responsibilities with more focus, creativity, and efficiency. In other words, slowing down can actually help you achieve more.

• It strengthens relationships. When you’re rested, balanced, and emotionally regulated, you’re better able to connect with the people in your life, and they benefit from a happier, more present you.

By investing in your own care, you’re creating a ripple effect that touches every area of your life. But how do you make self-care a priority, especially when it’s not a habit?

Practical Tips to Prioritise Yourself

Incorporating self-care doesn’t have to mean overhauling your entire schedule or spending hours at the spa (though that can be lovely too!). Start with small, manageable steps that fit into your daily life. Here are a few ideas:

1. Start Your Day with Intention
   Take five minutes in the morning to check in with yourself. Ask: How do I feel today? What do I need? Whether it’s setting a simple intention, journaling, or taking a few deep breaths, this practice can set a positive tone for the day.

2. Set Boundaries Around Your Time
   Learn to say no to things that drain your energy. Whether it’s declining unnecessary meetings or carving out quiet time in the evening, setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-care.

3. Move Your Body in a Way That Feels Good
   Physical activity doesn’t have to be intense or time-consuming. A 10-minute stretch, a walk around the block, or a dance session in your kitchen can do wonders for your mood and energy levels.

4. Schedule Regular Check-Ins
   Treat your self-care like any other important appointment. Block time on your calendar for activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading a book, meditating, or spending time in nature.

5. Practice Gratitude
   At the end of each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This simple practice can shift your mindset and help you focus on the positive, even during busy or stressful times.

Give Yourself Permission

The biggest hurdle to prioritising yourself is often internal. We wait for the “perfect” moment, when work slows down, when the kids are more independent, when life feels less chaotic. But that moment rarely comes. The truth is, you don’t need permission from anyone else to care for yourself. You simply need to decide that you are worth it.

Start small. Give yourself grace when it feels uncomfortable. Over time, these small acts of self-care will become a habit, and you’ll start to feel the difference in your energy, your outlook, and your connection to yourself.

And if you’re ready to take self-care to the next level, stay tuned. Next week, I’ll be sharing an invitation to join me for a transformative experience designed to help you press pause, reset, and truly put yourself first.

Until then, remember: you are deserving of your own time, energy, and love. The more you care for yourself, the more you’ll have to give to the people and passions that matter most.

xoxo Ash