Ep 1. Overcoming Perfectionism and Showing Up Authentically
In this kick off episode of The Unedited Woman, Ash Butterss shares her journey of transformation and the inspiration behind this new podcast. She reflects on her previous podcast, Behind the Smile, and the impact it had on removing the stigma around mental health, trauma, and addiction.
Ash discusses her decision to start The Unedited Woman, focusing on holistic transformation and candid conversations to improve well-being. She opens up about her struggles with perfectionism and the importance of showing up authentically.
Ash shares her personal story of childhood trauma, alcohol addiction, and her journey to sobriety. She highlights the power of therapy, self-discovery, and the gift of living alone. Ash also discusses her career transition to becoming a yoga and meditation teacher and a transformation coach. She emphasizes the need to focus on physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation to feel complete and whole.
It's Ash’s mission to leave you each week with at least one thing you can start to implement to improve your everyday life. This week Ash shares her five daily non-negotiables and how these play an integral role in setting up her day.
The episode highlights are:
02:38 The Mission of The Unedited Woman
05:31 Overcoming Perfectionism and Showing Up Authentically
11:19 Childhood Trauma, Alcohol Addiction, and the Path to Sobriety
18:32 The Power of Therapy, Self-Discovery, and Living Alone
26:11 Career Transition: From Corporate Job to Yoga and Meditation Teacher
30:14 Holistic Approach to Transformation
36:46 Consistency as the Key to Progress
39:42 Creating Stillness and Space
55:03 Supporting the Show and Good Karma Vibes
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Episode Transcript
Ash Butterss (00:01.336)
Hello everyone and welcome to episode one of the unedited woman. My name is Ash Butters. I am the makeover mentor and I'm here to help guide you through a physical, emotional and spiritual transformation. my goodness. Episode one. Here we go. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be back in front of the pod
For those of you who have been following my journey, you'll know that I had a previous podcast called Behind the Smile. And Behind the Smile was a podcast that I created towards the beginning of my sobriety journey. And it was a passion project that was really fueled by a mission to want to remove the stigma around mental health, trauma and addiction. And we did
We did that. Everybody that listened to the show, everybody that supported the show, we created this incredible community and a phenomenal podcast that really helped to change lives. And it was such an incredible experience. In fact, I still get messages to this day from people who are still listening to the show, who are still just discovering the show. I think that's one of the coolest things about this medium of podcasting is that they can live on forever.
And then people who may have listened to the show a while ago and then have shared it with friends and family and so on. So the ripple effect has just been incredible. And I absolutely loved that chapter. But as with everything, we move through seasons in life. And I knew deep down that that particular season of my life was coming to an end. I was starting to go through some pretty deep transformations in my own life. And I wanted to be able to share on more of
So rather than just focusing on recovery and sobriety, I decided to take a step back, really focus on the transformation work that I was doing with my clients and with myself. And I knew when the time was right that I would be ready to birth another podcast and bring something to light. And now is the time. It's
Ash Butterss (02:15.976)
bubbling away inside me, must admit, I pretty much straight after finishing Behind the Smile, I knew I was ready to start podcasting again, because I absolutely love it. But I wanted to wait until I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about. And so here it is, here is the unedited woman, which is all about having candid conversations to improve your well being.
So as I mentioned before, I'm really focused on holistic transformation in that when I work with clients, when in my own personal journey, it's all about transforming physical, emotional and spiritual. Because you see, getting sober for me personally was a huge foundation to the transformation that I've experienced, but it's also just one part of it. And there's so much more that I've done in my own life that I wanna be able to share with you guys. I want you guys to be able
listen to this show and every single time have something, some little takeaway, some little gem that you can start to implement back into your life to have real significant change. So that is the mission behind the show. And the reason I've called it the unedited woman is to hold myself accountable. So what do I mean by that? Well, I have to be honest. One of the things that
stepping away from behind the smile allowed me to do was to be able to look at how I was showing up in each area of my life and where I still had a lot of opportunity for growth. And if you had listened to the earlier episodes of Behind the Smile, I spoke a lot about perfectionism being something that I was working on. You know, I'd almost identify as a recovering perfectionist because it's something
If I'm being really honest with myself, I've realized is still riding shotgun a lot of the time in my life. And so I thought, what is a way that I can really keep myself accountable to showing up in my authenticity and allowing all parts of me to be seen, not just the good parts, right? Because as a perfectionist, you know, I'm always being driven by
Ash Butterss (04:32.546)
the perception of others, how are other people going to view this? Which obviously comes from, know, deep down inside that part of me, that inner child that never felt good enough, you know, my core wound is unworthiness, right? So when you have a core wound of unworthiness, perfectionism is going to be really, really hard to shake. And so that's why I called this show, The Unedited Woman, because it gave me permission to show up as all of me.
So that's what you're going to get here on this show. You're going to get the good parts, the bad parts, the messy parts, the imperfect parts. I even almost didn't do this recording today because I thought to myself, you haven't done your hair. You haven't done your makeup and you know, it's episode one. So you should probably do that before recording. And then I caught myself in that train of thought and I went, hang on a minute. No, no, no, this is perfect. Literally grab the mic.
get on the camera for those of you who are watching this rather than listening and just show up exactly as you are, which is I'm in my active wear. I went to the gym earlier this morning. I was at a site visit for an event in the city earlier today. I haven't had a shower and I'm here and that's okay. In fact, that's fucking fantastic. Like that's what it's all about, right? And so that's me. And I hope deep down, I truly hope.
that if I can do this, it may empower you to do the same because I know that I'm not alone struggling with perfectionism and it can show up in so many ways. So many women that I talk to, clients and friends and even family. The one thing I notice is that we're all trying to do so much and we're all trying to be so much and we're all holding ourselves up to these unrealistic standards, these impossible standards
you know, perhaps we seemingly meet and then yet we move the bar higher again. So if that resonates with you, you know, I want to let you know that I see you, that it is part of my story as well. And so this is a place where we can come together. We can be messy. We can be everything other than perfect and know that that is perfectly okay. So that's the mission. That's the mission of the show. And now we're going to kick things off.
Ash Butterss (06:59.746)
I wanted to start with a little bit more about my story. For those of you who are new to my community, who are new to this show.
I wanna tell you how I got to where I am today. How did I become the makeover mentor and how did I set myself on this path of being able to support other women to experience their own holistic transformations? Well, like I said, it all started back, way back when, in early childhood, when I developed from a very, very early age, quite strong,
perfectionistic standards. I remember for as long as I can remember, I was always judging myself. So like that inner critic, that voice inside my head, which I talk about in my Ted talk as being that itty bitty shitty committee, that negative self, self sabotage, inner critic that just was so, so loud. Like that has always been there for me. I don't ever remember a time where that voice wasn't there.
And so I remember from the earliest age, always trying to change myself to fit in, to adapt, almost like a chameleon. I would walk into a room, I would read the energy and based off what I could pick up, I would mold myself into who I thought I needed to be in that moment for you to love
which was coming from this wound of unworthiness that I spoke about earlier and this just real deep belief that I wasn't enough. And if you've listened to Behind the Smile, you'll know that I grew up in an alcoholic home. There was a lot of drinking going on at the time and my parents weren't home a lot of the time. And so as a children, know, Dr. Gabor Mate talks about this beautifully where he talks
Ash Butterss (09:09.772)
children being inherently narcissistic. And what he means by that is that children think everything is their fault. So if the mum and dad are fighting or the two primary caregivers are fighting, the child will often believe that it is something that they have done that has caused that to be the case. So, you know, my little brain when I was three, four, five years old, didn't realise that a lot of the arguing that was going on, a lot of the yelling, a lot of the disconnection.
that I was observing was due to alcohol. had nothing to do with me yet at the time I thought it was my fault. And so, like I said, that became the precipice to this really strong, loud, negative voice that consumed my thoughts. And the way that I tried to combat that at the time was to
really good at everything that I applied myself to. My brother was a really gifted sportsman and our family spent a lot of the time watching him on the sporting field and I was not blessed with sporting talents. And so I remember diving into the world of music and I became obsessed with music. I played almost every instrument under the sun by the time I was 12. But it was actually singing that became
a really big part of my life. And in particular, I was trained as a classical singer and I sang in choirs and had the opportunity to travel the world singing by the age of 16. And that was, that was really amazing. But you know, nothing ever really filled what I describe as the hole in my soul, that emptiness, that deep, deep feeling of not being good enough. didn't matter what achievement
I had the accolades, the praise when it came, nothing ever felt like it was enough. And those impossible standards that I was talking about before, they would continue to grow and the bar would get higher and higher and higher.
Ash Butterss (11:19.31)
And around the age of 12 is when I discovered alcohol. And I won't go super into the story here today, but all I'll say is that when I drank alcohol for the first time, it was like everything went quiet.
For the first time, for as long as I could remember, there was peace in my head. There was stillness. The voices, the noise, the criticism was almost put on mute. And I remember thinking to myself, my God, I want more of this. And so I can see now looking back that I was drinking for effect from pretty much the first day.
from the first time I tried alcohol. It was never about the taste. It was always about the effect. And that's the way I drank for the next two decades. And when you drink like that, a lot of chaos comes with it. You know, I damaged a lot of relationships over that time. I managed to keep areas of my life looking okay from the outside in because that perfectionism,
type A personality, wanting to make sure that everything looked okay. You know, that really fueled me to continue getting the achievements and you know, whether it was progressing in work, you know, I went to uni, I got my degree in journalism. I started working in the corporate space and climbing the corporate ladder. And you know, by the time I got to actually giving up alcohol,
which was in 2020. By that time, things had gotten really, really bad. I remember in 2019, it was this year where from the outside looking in, you would have thought that I had it all. And what I mean by that was, you know, I was married. I'd gotten married in 2018.
Ash Butterss (13:36.046)
I had purchased my own home the year before that in Bondi, which was a beautiful and is a beautiful part of the world. And I was working for one of the biggest beauty companies in the world. And in 2019, I took over 95 flights. I think it was like maybe 97 or 98 flights in a year. You know, in that one year I'd been to New York, Paris, London,
all over the world. And from the outside looking in that, you know, that seems really glamorous, right? But what people didn't see was that I was totally self -medicating with alcohol. I had gotten to a point in my life where I was so confused with what was going on internally because
I had gone and done all the things that I thought I needed to do to be happy. You know, like all those things that were told by society that we need to be happy. I had gone and done that. And yet I felt completely miserable. You know, I was dealing with grief from the loss of my brother -in -law in 2018. And I know that that was something that really accelerated my drinking, but that
the only thing, every area of my life was seemingly falling apart, but in a really slow, insidious way. And I thought that that was my fault. I thought that it was because I was weak that I wasn't enough again. Like I would continue to fuel the idea that you're not enough, you're not enough, you're unworthy, you're unlovable, all this crazy stuff. And then I would get home every
and I would just drink to blackout because it was the only way that I was able to almost be with my thoughts because it was so uncomfortable being with my mind, particularly when I was sober.
Ash Butterss (15:44.206)
And so this went on for two years until the beginning of 2020. And that's when I hit my rock bottom moment. And I knew that I needed help when I had gotten to the point that I realized I couldn't blame anyone else any longer because for a long, long time, I would blame everything and everyone else around me for
the situations I was in for the problems that were happening. You know, I was incapable of taking ownership over that stuff. I was in deep, deep denial. And I certainly didn't think that alcohol was the problem.
And yet I hit this moment, I had a rock bottom and I reached out to my family who were able to help me. And I ended up checking into a treatment center at the beginning of 2020. And that was a really interesting time because even walking into the doors of that rehab, I still didn't think that I was an alcoholic. I just thought that I had a drinking problem.
and that if I went to rehab, they would teach me how to drink like a lady. And then I'd be able to go back and enter into the world and, you know, all my problems would go away.
I, there was no way I think I would have walked through those doors if I had thought that I had to give up forever. Because at the time alcohol was my strategy for coping with life. And I actually just didn't know how to do life without alcohol. And I didn't think it was possible. Like I literally thought my life would be over if I got sober. And yet what I realized throughout the three weeks that I was an inpatient
Ash Butterss (17:38.528)
at this hospital was that I was using alcohol to deal with life because I'd never been taught how to actually process my emotions in a functional way. And so once I was able to start to do the deep inner work, the childhood trauma work, the somatic work, then I was able to learn all of these beautiful tools and ways to be able
express my emotions and sit with my feelings without needing a substance to blunt the edges. You know, I was able to actually live life and experience life in full color, which I'll be honest at times can be really challenging, but it's equal parts challenging and rewarding because
When I get to experience the beauty of life now, I get to see all of it, right? Because if you're using alcohol or social media or relationships or whatever it is that you use to numb out food, I don't know. If you're using that to numb out the bad stuff, it also numbs out the good.
Ash Butterss (18:57.72)
And so nowadays I get to live this life where I feel everything, but that was only able to do that by doing the therapy, by doing the work and by removing alcohol from my life. Because as long as I continued to drink, I would stop the growth. I would stop myself from being able to sit in my feelings and actually have emotions be processed in real time, which allows me to continue to grow and evolve.
And so I came out of rehab and then the craziest thing was, was that the world was in lockdown. So I went into rehab on the 24th of February, 2020. And it was about 10 days after I got out that Sydney, which is where I was living at the time, went into its first lockdown. And so that first year of my sobriety, I spent in a two bedroom apartment with somebody who was in active addiction, which when I look back at
blows my mind, but it also just shows me how I can achieve anything I put my mind to. And what it really came down to at the time was just how badly I wanted it. You I was willing to go to any lengths to stay sober because I never wanted to have to go back to day one because it was so, so painful. know, in recovery, we talk about the gift of desperation and that was something that I certainly had at the time.
And that was something that was really driving me to want to make sure that I continued to work on myself so that I didn't go back. And you know, four and a half years later, I still do the work to allow myself to continue to grow so that I can continue to enhance my spiritual life so that I can continue the journey of getting to know myself and so that I can continue to grow and transform and evolve, which
such an important thing in my life and it's why I'm inspired to help others do the
Ash Butterss (21:02.574)
And so like I said, that first year was crazy. I was in lockdown. I was still working for the organization that I had been working for for five years at that point. And then in 2021, so a year after I got out of treatment, I decided that I needed to make some major changes in my life. And that looked like number one, ending my marriage, which had gotten to a point where we were in a bit of a stalemate. And I knew that
for my ex -husband to be able to grow and get well, I needed to leave and I needed to focus on my own recovery and my own life and rebuild alone. I'd never been alone before. And so that's what I did. I actually moved from Sydney back to Melbourne, which is my hometown. And I moved into a two -bedroom apartment with my little dog, Frank. And that second year was actually another pretty much a whole year of lockdown for Melbourne again.
And so that was like, I'd gone from never being alone, never not being in a relationship pretty much to being completely alone and in isolation. But you know what? That was such a gift at the time because what it allowed me to do was truly get to know myself. I want you to think about this for a minute. how many of you have actually, number one, lived alone? Like I think a lot of women.
don't live alone and you know that could be for obvious reasons that might be for financial reasons that might be for safety reasons you know a lot of the time people go from that share house to then dating to then living with their partner and then they're married and kids and all the rest have you ever lived alone and if you haven't like how often do you actually get to spend time on your own because I'm telling you right now time on your own is absolutely pure it
so golden, those moments where you can actually just sit with self and be with self are so, so powerful if you're wanting to continue to grow and evolve. And so that's what happened in that year. And it's really funny because once I got sober, I was able to really start to connect in with who I was deep down. You know, I was able
Ash Butterss (23:25.78)
stop wearing these masks and stop pretending to be someone I wasn't. And I really allowed myself to explore who Ash was underneath the facade, underneath the labels and the characters, you know, the business woman, the workaholic, the alcoholic, the party girl, all that stuff. And I was able to figure out who I was underneath. And that's still a journey that I'm on to this day. But one of the things that was revealed to me at that time,
was that the work I was doing was no longer fulfilling me. And I knew deep down that I wanted to be able to help people and serve people on a deeper level. And so I decided to actually go and retrain as a yoga and a meditation teacher, not really knowing at the time where it was going to lead to, but I was just following my gut. I had this
to want to go and explore that space. And so that's what I did. And that's what led me to actually leaving my corporate job and starting my work as a yoga teacher, a meditation teacher and a transformation coach. And the journey really started to take off from there.
Ash Butterss (25:13.848)
You know, my life looks so different today from what it did just four and a half years ago. I am currently in a beautiful, loving relationship. I've been with my partner now for two and a half years and it's so different to any other relationship that I had ever, ever had before getting sober. It's different in that it is healthy.
I mean that literally, but also emotionally and spiritually. We, there's so many things that are different about my partner and I, he's very quiet. He's very introverted and I'm quite outgoing and I can be a little bit louder. There's things that he likes that I don't like, like all the things that you think that need to be these similarities on paper. I've come to realize that none of that really matters as long as
core values are in alignment. And as long as you're both committed to growth, that's when I think the magic happens. And so, yeah, I'm so, so grateful for my relationship and what I continue to learn as a result of being in healthy relationship. It's just beautiful.
Ash Butterss (26:52.014)
My life today looks so, so different from what it did four and a half years ago. If you had told me back then at the beginning of 2020 that I'd be where I am today and that my life would look how it does, like there's no way that I could have believed you. I'm in the healthiest, most loving relationship that I've ever been in in my life. And it's so crazy because the relationship I have
isn't even something that I could have imagined possible back then. It is something that has grown, like we've grown together.
Ash Butterss (27:36.568)
Take
My life today looks so completely different from four and a half years ago. If you had told me back then when I was walking through the doors of that rehab that in four and a half years time, my life was gonna look like how it does today, there is no way I would have believed
Ash Butterss (28:06.252)
I mean, the healthiest, most loving relationship that I've ever been in in my life. It's a relationship that I didn't even think was possible, let alone I'm living it, which is just so incredible. I run my own business. I have created the Makeover Mentor and the women that I get to guide through my mentorship programs literally lights me up. I wake up every single day so grateful.
that I get to do this work, that I get to help other women experience their own life transformations because every single woman on this earth deserves to be connected to themselves, to be free from stress, to feel deeply loved and whole within themselves. That is my mission and that's what I'm here to do. I also
to allow people to experience not just a physical transformation, not just an emotional transformation, not just a spiritual transformation, but all three of those to allow people to step into their wholeness is what lights me up inside.
Ash Butterss (29:31.436)
It's this holistic approach that I truly believe is what makes the difference in people's lives.
Ash Butterss (29:53.622)
Okay, so delete that little bit and go.
Ash Butterss (30:14.146)
And there's a reason that I take this holistic approach when I am talking about transformation, because it's been my experience that you can't just focus on one area and expect yourself to feel complete, to feel whole. The reason I like to help people work through the physical transformation is because it's really important as women that when we wake up in the morning and we look in the mirror, we love what we see.
And I want you to take a moment to think about this right now and to answer yourself honestly. Is that what happens to me? Or do you wake up in the morning, your feet hit the ground and before you've even gotten out of bed, the head has started. It started to tell you all the negative things. You're starting to feel stressed and overwhelmed about the day. You wake up, you look at your body, you start to tell yourself that you don't look good enough. You look in the mirror, you focus on the floors.
rather than seeing the true essence, the true beauty that lies underneath. And you know, I talk to people about this and often their solution will be to go and, you know, get a makeup artist or get a...
Ash Butterss (31:30.904)
And sure, you can pay makeup artists and stylists and injectors to seemingly fix all of that stuff. But unless you're doing the inner work to actually reframe your mindset and to really focus on building that confidence to allow yourself to radiate from the inside out, then you're never going to truly feel beautiful. You're never going to truly feel confident. And that self love
won't be nurtured. That's why I love to help people with the physical transformation. Then when it comes to the emotional transformation, you know, I'll see a lot of people go off to a retreat, say, you know, they're super stressed and they're like, okay, I'm going to go off to this retreat for a week. Now, don't get me wrong. I am all for retreats. In fact, I run a retreat in my mastermind and I think they're an incredible experience. However, if you go on retreat,
and you don't take tools back to implement into your daily life, I can guarantee you that you're going to be met with the same level of stress, if not higher than when you left for the retreat in the first place. So developing your emotional wellbeing and actually allowing yourself to find different tools for nervous system regulation,
different breath techniques and different mindfulness techniques, then again, these challenges are gonna continue to come up and you're gonna continue to feel like you're treading water and never truly able to get ahead of things in life. And then lastly, there's the spiritual side of things. And I think that this is so often overlooked. People might go to the odd yoga class or they might go to the odd meditation class.
But for me, spiritual transformation really comes from you creating the deepest connection with self. What do I mean by that? Remember how I mentioned earlier that when I got sober, it was like for the first time I was able to connect with my intuition. That's what I'm talking about. I love to help people get really clear on what are the things that they're using to block themselves from self.
Ash Butterss (33:56.312)
so that you can truly create the deepest sense of connection with yourself, which allows you to feel that peace, that serenity, that enoughness. You know, my journey on working through my core wound of unworthiness has been so deeply seated in enhancing my spiritual life.
and coming onto the yoga mat, allowing myself to experience different practices through journaling, through gratitude, through different mindfulness techniques that continue to bring me back to self. And the more that I can journey this again, the more that I'm able to grow and the more that I'm able to give back to others. Because here's the other thing that I hear time and time again when I'm working with clients.
It's that I don't have the time to do this. You know, I've got to put my kids first. I've got to put my partner first. I've got to put work first. And I will tell you this until I am blue in the face because I'm so passionate about this point. Nobody is coming to save you. You have to put your own oxygen mask on first. We know this, right? And yet we don't do it. And then we wonder why we reach the three B's, which I talk about all the time.
Burn out, break down, break up. That's what's at the end of the line, at the end of the road, if you continue to go the way you're going, where you continue to prioritize everyone but yourself, and then you get to that point. And by the time you get to that point, it's too late. So I hope that by listening to this show, you can start to acquire the different tools that you can implement into your life to allow yourself to avoid those three B's because,
We don't need to get there, right? It's all about creating intervention, but also truly allowing yourself to experience the good stuff.
Ash Butterss (36:06.018)
But it's also about showing yourself that you're worth it. Like actually taking the action to prioritize yourself because I'm telling you right now, every time you make a decision for yourself where you actually put yourself first, you are unconsciously showing yourself that you are worthy. And that consistently done over time is what starts to create
these shifts in mindset. And that brings me to the point of consistency.
Ash Butterss (36:46.798)
Consistency is the key that unlocks the door to progress. One thing that I have been over the last four and a half years is fricking consistent. I show up in my life even when I don't want to because I know that it's those tiny micro actions that are stacked upon each other day after day after day that make the biggest difference in my
Ash Butterss (37:20.536)
And you know what? That doesn't actually mean that I have to hustle and grind. In fact, a lot of this journey for me and what I've been exploring myself has actually been in slowing down, in allowing myself to create stillness and create space because one of the ways that
Ash Butterss (38:01.486)
avoid uncomfortable feelings is actually by being busy. So something that I've been working on myself is being really mindful of, I trying to distract a numb with work? Where can I create more space in my day? And where can I actually just do nothing? I went on a retreat a little while back with my mom actually to Bali and it was so amazing because I turned my phone off for three days.
And I actually cannot tell you the last time I did that. I want to ask you the same question. Like when was the last time you actually did not have your phone on you for three days or even 24 hours? my goodness. It felt like such a beautiful reset. And it was amazing because you know, it's crazy how often we just pick up our phone because we're bored or we just pick up our phone in the ad break watching a TV show or we just pick up our phone, you know, like big, just because.
And yet every time we do that, we're stealing time away from ourselves. Every time we do that, we're missing the opportunity to have a moment with ourselves. And that's what I want you to think about. How often are you truly spending time with yourself versus creating this distraction so that you don't actually have to sit with self, but it's in the sitting with self that we get to know ourselves better. And that's the journey that we're on here together.
And so.
Ash Butterss (39:42.584)
And the beautiful thing about when you sit with self and just allow yourself to be is that that's when you get those clear messages, that intuition, whether it's a connection with God, higher power or with self, I find that's when the real beautiful messages drop in, right? That's how the idea for this podcast came in. It was like when I was sitting in stillness, often I find that that comes in in meditation or do know what as well for me in the shower for some reason, I always get downloads in the shower.
But again, because I'm just with self and I'm, you know, not distracted by anything else around me. And so allowing yourself to find those moments of stillness and to see what greatness is inside you, like what creativity, what ideas are going to drop in when you find that stillness. It's how you create
Ash Butterss (40:50.444)
And so with this podcast, it is my mission that every single episode you walk away with one thing, something that you can start to do that is going to help you transform your life straight away. So today I want to share with you some of
daily non -negotiables. Now you might try and start by just implementing one of these in your life, or maybe you try all five of them. But remember that if you're new to this space, it's often best just to start layering these things one by one so that you don't feel overwhelmed or you you create the intention to do all five and you don't, and then you feel like a failure. I don't want that happening for you.
Allow me to talk you through the five non -negotiables that I have. And then if you want to try one or two or three of these out, please do and let me know how you go, because I love to hear how this changes people's lives. So the first one for me is meditation. You guys know if you've been following along for a little while, if you follow me on Instagram, that I absolutely love meditation.
Meditation for me is so important. It's something that I do in the mornings because it allows me to actually create peace in the mind. Remember I told you I am somebody who has a really loud inner critic and just because I've gotten sober and I've done a heap ton of work on myself doesn't mean that that voice has gone away completely. And there will be some days when I wake up and that voice is really really loud. Meditation is
beautiful opportunity for me to just dial the voice back down, to come back to self, to connect with breath and to truly be present in the moment. Like how many of us wake up and then bang, we're straight in our heads, right? Whereas this allows you to be present and centered from the get -go. Now, if you're new to meditation,
Ash Butterss (43:03.596)
You might start with something guided. I know for me that guided meditations are so, helpful when my head is noisy, because if I sit there in silent meditation, I find that I just end up in my head and in my thoughts. And so you can try guided meditations. There's so many amazing resources out there. If you haven't gone onto my website, ashbutters .com, you can head there and I've got three free guided meditations that you can download straight away. There are apps like Insight Timer, which are free as well. And then of all,
Of course you've got paid apps as well, like Headspace and Calm. I've used both of those and they're excellent as well. But just start with five, 10 minutes a day. Something that just gets you into the habit because meditating is like going to the gym, for your mind. So if you think about when you go to the gym consistently, you start to strengthen those muscles, those, you know, your biceps, whatever. When you meditate consistently, you start to strengthen the mind muscle and then that gets stronger as well.
And then the beautiful thing is, is that you'll find that you start to become less reactive in your day -to -day life because you have this ability to pause, which you guys know I love talking about the pause. It's that beautiful space between the reaction and the response. So that's what I love about meditation is it's not just a great way to start your day, to create that intention, to really connect in with the present moment and ask yourself, how do I want to show up today in the world? But also,
that beautiful ability to pause and be more in control of the way that you are moving throughout your life on a day -to -day basis. So that's number one. Then after I meditate, I pray. Now I know that this can be a little jarring for some people, particularly if you associate prayer with religion and you've had a negative experience in that space. But I really want to encourage you to be open -minded about this. Prayer can look like anything.
Prayer can be specific set prayers if there's something that really resonates for you. Or maybe it's freestyling. You know, I do both. So I will often say a couple of set prayers and then I freestyle with God. I talk to my higher power. I talk to my guides and the universe. And sometimes I'll just be talking out something that is on my heart. And other times I'll be asking for guidance.
Ash Butterss (45:29.59)
And I often find what's really beautiful about praying and meditating together is that I can pray to ask for answers. And then when I meditate, I listen and often those answers will drop in. So I want you to feel into it. I want you to see what works for you. And you know, the crazy thing is, is a lot of people that I talk to about this are resistant to praying out loud, but I'm like, who cares? Like no one's gonna like, no one's listening. And if they are also again, who cares?
It's so much more powerful when you can pray out loud. So I really want you to give that a go if you haven't tried it before. And again, do it consistently because the more I pray, the more consistently I communicate with the power, the source, the energy that's around me, the more connected to it that I feel. Number three is writing a gratitude list. Writing a gratitude list has been
huge in helping me to reframe my thoughts and to really develop and cultivate this positive mindset. So when you're writing a gratitude list, if you've not done one before, the advice that I'd love to share with you is just to start simple and just start by writing three things a day. Again, I actually like to do this in the morning. So this is all part of my morning routine because I find that it really sets me up for the day.
I know that some people like to do gratitude at the end of the day because then they get to reflect on what's happened throughout that day. I want to encourage you to do morning so you can reflect on the day before or do both. But again, these are all tools that really help you to set yourself up to have the best day possible. So when you're writing your gratitude lists, it can be things that are really small. You know, it doesn't have to be the new job or
my goodness, the overseas holiday, like yes, they are fantastic if that's part of what you're experiencing. But it also might just be the fact that you had a safe warm bed to sleep in the night before. It might be access to clean drinking water. It might be that you have a fridge full of healthy fresh produce. Like whatever it is for you, you know, every single day I'm grateful for my health. You know, that's one thing that continually comes up for me.
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So have a real feel into that. Like I want you to do this practice being led with your heart, not your head and really feel into the things that you're grateful for. Because the really cool thing is that when you're writing a gratitude list, you can't be stuck in negativity. Like it's just not possible. So again, it's a beautiful practice to really start to decide how you want to sharpen the world that day. And then if you can share your gratitude list, whether you've just got a bestie that you want to share it with, or you might create a group chat with
sisters, like whatever feels right for you. But I love sharing my gratitude list. I share it with a group of women and then I get to read theirs as well, which is so, so lovely. It really fosters beautiful connection and intimacy within the group. But also it reminds me of what to be grateful for on the days that maybe I'm not feeling super grateful. Okay. Number four is movement. I have to move my body every day. So
You know, I confessed earlier on in this episode that I am not a super sporty person. And for the longest time I avoided exercise. I really didn't enjoy it. And you know, in recent years, exercise has become a really, really big part of my life. I'm obviously a yoga teacher now, but it's not just that I do love to get onto my mat at least a few times a week, but actually getting to the gym
resistance training has been incredible for me. I find that it helps me sleep better. I'm more mindful of my nutrition when I'm training at the gym and I love to feel strong. It's really empowering as a woman to have that feeling. whether it's going to the gym, whether it's getting to a Pilates class, even if you can't get to a class and just going for a walk each day, like that's my bare minimum is a 30 minute walk each day.
I know that if I move my body, my mind is in a healthier position to handle whatever life is going to throw at me that day. So again, this is stuff that I try to do in the morning to set myself up for the day. If there's for some reason I haven't exercised for more than two days, I feel it not in my body so much in my head. I start to get really irritated. I
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to feel resentful, things bother me that normally wouldn't bother me. And again, the inner critic, the negative self -talk gets really, really loud. So for me, moving my body is just an absolute, absolute non -negotiable, but it's really important that you find what works for you. So I want, if that's something that you want to focus on, then I want you to feel into it. Like, is it walking? Is it running? Is it swimming? Is it gym?
Find what you love. Maybe it's a dance class. Like, you know, it can be fun as well, but something to allow you to like get your heart rate up a little bit, move your body and you know, get that blood pumping. And the final non -negotiable that I have is connection. So my three values, I mean, I have more than three, but I would say my top three are family, connection and travel. And so I have built a life that allows me to have
those three things in my life at all times. so connection is a really interesting one for me because being an entrepreneur, running my own business, I actually don't see a lot of people sometimes during the day, especially not face to face. The meetings I have with my team members are generally online when I'm seeing clients, unless I'm running events, that's also online. So it's really, really important to me that
prioritize quality connection. And that can look like either seeing a family member. I live across the road from my mom, so I get to see her most days, which is amazing. If I can't see them making a phone call at least and spending quality time with my partner, that's something that we absolutely prioritize. He's got a job where he works pretty crazy inconsistent hours and I travel a lot for work, which
is great because travel is a value of mine, but it also means that it's really important that we prioritize that quality time. And so when I'm doing that, when I'm in connection, when I, you know, maybe I'm going to a 12 step meeting, maybe I'm speaking to sponsors, like whatever way I can feel connected to my community, to my loved ones is super, super important for me to feel whole and to feel complete.
Ash Butterss (52:38.06)
So that may or may not resonate with you if connection is a value, but they're my five non -negotiables. So meditation, prayer, gratitude, movement, and connection. Maybe after listening to this episode, you can create a list of your five non -negotiables and feel into what that looks like for you. They don't have to be the same as mine, but maybe you can borrow a couple if they feel like they might really benefit you. And again, like I said,
please let me know how you go because I absolutely love there is nothing more that I love than hearing about people's transformations when they start to implement these tools. All right guys, that is a wrap on today's episode. Feel free to hit me up on Instagram if you have any questions at all or if you have
Ash Butterss (53:34.818)
So that's a wrap on today's first episode. Feel free to please hit me up on Instagram if you've got any questions that you'd like me to answer on the show or if you've got a guest that you'd like to recommend and I'll make sure that I reach out to them. And if you want to support the show and get those good karma vibes flowing, you can do so by hitting subscribe and leaving a five star review. Thank you so much for joining me here and I can't wait to see you next time. Bye for now.
Ash Butterss (54:13.976)
So that's a wrap on today's episode. Thank you so much for being here. I am so, so excited for the journey that we are going to be on here together as unedited women.
Ash Butterss (54:28.888)
So that's a wrap on the first episode of the Unedited Woman. Thank you so much for being here with me. It's been absolutely incredible.
Ash Butterss (54:40.792)
So that's a wrap on today's episode.
Ash Butterss (55:03.768)
So my friends, that is a wrap on today's first episode of the Unedited Woman. Thank you so, so much for being here. If you wanna hit me up on Instagram, please do so. It's at Ash Butters with two S's. You can ask me any questions there and I'm happy to answer them here on the show. Or if you've got a guess that you'd like to recommend, then please let me know and I'll be sure to reach
If you want to support the show and get some good karma vibes flowing, then you can do so by hitting the subscribe button and leaving a five star review. Thank you once again so much for joining me here and I cannot wait to see you again next time. Bye for now.